What’s My (Nick)Name?

Hello little Trendilinis. How are you doing today? What’s that, you don’t like when we call you our little Trendilinis? Oh, our bad. Look, we’ll make a deal with you; you tell us what you want to be called and from now on that’s what we’ll call you, because when it comes to reinventing yourself giving yourself a nickname is just about the trendliest thing you can do.

There’s no better way to conquer insecurity than to show everyone that names don’t hurt you…as long as they’re names that come from a pre-approved list. After all being called “Taz”or “The Rickster Scale” is heaps better than being called a “Midtown Douche” or “That Asshole In Ad Sales” even though they ostensibly carry the same meaning.

Give “The Rickster Scale” A Moment…He’s Busy

Once you come up with a suitable nickname that accurately portrays your character, “Carrot Top”, you have to be sure to get it into everyone’s head. There’s no better way to do that than to refer to yourself in the third person (another potentially trendly practice). For example, “The Mac Daddy is going to put his pants backwards” and “The Kid is going to his 58th birthday party.”

It’ll take a while for everyone to realize who you’re talking about, but once they’ve figured it out you’ll be on easy street. Even though most people will originally consider your new nickname a joke, turning them around is simple. All you have to do is start insisting on responding to that nickname and that nickname alone and they’ll be forced to employ it in everyday conversation, ultimately bending them to your will…and really what’s more trendly than getting people to bend to your will. Not much…And we should know best, The Trendliest isn’t our real name.