The Cure for What Ails You
Hey there trend trackers. Do you have Trend Fever? Well, maybe you should consider checking out or checking up on our latest trendly health helper…doctors! As far back as March of 2008, the only way one could hope to cure seemingly harmless ailments like influenza, herpes or complications from diabetes was through the miracle of prayer. Unfortunately for most human beings, God decided to stop answering their prayers some time between the first genocide and the aforementioned date. Occasionally and quite luckily for a few human beings, Saint Peter would sometimes perform at the level of a second string goalie and allow a few errant prayers to slip through his five-hole known as the pearly gates, leaving his holiness to deal with a semi-constant barrage of heavenly errands. It was because of St. Peter’s inability to deflect these prayer pucks that his/her holiness made a landmark decision, rather than cope with this onslaught of hopes and wishes from his loyal subjects, the Lord decided he/she would delegate some responsibility…and on that day god created “doctors.”
God gave these “doctors” the means to deal with aches, pains, disease and sickness, and to make up for their lack of divinity he endowed them with what is known as a “God Complex”, which was beautifully illustrated by Alec Baldwin’s character in the film Malice. Unfortunately, for the human race, becoming a doctor requires nearly 34 years of education and therefore there are currently no official doctors. The first doctor is set to become eligible to help the public after the Spring semester at Johns Hopkins lets out sometime in May 2019. Until that day, people can see just what these “doctors” may be capable of doing by watching trendy Science Fiction programs such as “E.R.”, “Dr. Who”, “Grey’s Anatomy”, and of course the previously noted film, Malice. Who knows? Maybe by watching some fake doctors, you’ll get some real friendly health tips. How trendly!
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