Should We Talk About The Weather?
Hello you cunning linguists. Do you speak trendlinese? Well if you can understand what everyone’s talking about you probably do? If you can’t then you’re obviously unaware that the latest trendly conversation topic jumping off the tip of people’s tongues all over this great planet of ours is none other than the weather. That’s right, every day in elevators, in office buildings across land, sea, air and space, people get together to awkwardly discuss things like temperature, clouds and how that tramp on the third floor looks like she’s dressing for a night at the club rather than a day of the office.
There’s no better way to pass those awkard 42 seconds between the lobby and the 126th floor than to prove just how little you’re willing to intrude on your co-workers lives and simultaneously avoid discussion of your own sordid encounters than the diversionary tactic of mentioning something completely arbitrary that is utterly neutral and factually indisputable, such as weather. If you’re lucky enough to work in a high tech office building where the elevator has a TV with news headlines and weather displayed on the bottom, you don’t even have to force the issue and can even feel free to discuss the weather in other cities as displayed on said screen as well.
Talking about the weather doesn’t have to be a one-sided affair based on factual statements though, there are ways to make talking about it seem like a two-way friendly discussion. All one has to do is simply mention how cold it is and that you wish it would be summer already…and voila, it’s like you’re at the water cooler discussing that tramp on the third floor again.
So where are do all of these friendly trendy people get all of their conversational ammunition about barometric pressure? Well there are plenty of ways to learn about the weather so that you may “wow” your elevator mates. The easiest way aside from taking to the streets and interviewing people who are currently outside, is to listen to the Billy Joel song “Storm Front” off of his 1990 album Storm Front, which if played through to the end will alert the listener of “a low pressure system and a northeast breeze…a falling barometer and rising seas,” as well as “cumulonibus and a posible gale” not to mention “a force nine blowing on the Beaufont scale.” However if one is to listen past track six on the album, they’ll end up hearing about a clown in Leningrad…which to most elevator-users is a completely undesirable topic for conversation along the lines of Darfur or the rapture. Another popular method for gaining weather knowledge is by employing a magic 8 ball and asking it if the weather is nice today. If Magic 8 Ball reads “ask again later” the hazy response should clue the user in that he or she will be faced with hazy or busy weather.
However, the ultimate way to get your hands on whether the Weather is hot or cooler than cool is on the television. Weather forecasting is so trendly that it has it’s own TV network just like other potentially trendly phenomenons like buying useless items (QVC) or dating skanks (MTV/VH1). People tune in from all over the world just to find out that a tornado might hit Oklahoma sometime in the next three hours or that it’s always raining in London so that they never run out of constant conversational ammunition for their upcoming elevator trips. What’s more is that people who can talk about weather constantly on TV end up being national celebrities…and if talking about the weather can make you a celebrity…what’s not trendly about it?
No comments yet.
The Trendliest is your friendly guide to latest trends. If you need to know what’s hop, hot, or now…well then you’ve got to read it. Not only is The Trendliest friendly and trendy, but it’s also satirical. So, if you find yourself easily offended by the content, there is a good chance that you are either silly, hyper-sensitive or Canadian. Lighten up Canucks.
Jeremy on Rid Yourself of Sin… room design on Bidet Can You See? healthnewstop on Dain Bramage Is Next To G… PorkAdventurer on I Want Your Sext Stephy on Still Feeling Blue
Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Careers Celebrities Culture Current Events Economy Education Electronics Entertainment Environmental Family Fashion Film Food & Drink Government Health Language Leisure Methods Music Nostalgia Politics Religion Sexuality Social Trends Sports Technology Television Travel Trendliness In Action Uncategorized
Site infoThe Trendliest
Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.