Are you slacking on your new year’s resolution to be slightly less corpulent? Whether or not you’re serious about telling people your goal to weigh more than Olsen Twins combined, but not quite enough to require a crane to lift you from both your doldrums and your bedroom, the fact is, there’s only one way to turn yourself from a Fiddle Faddle eating fatty into someone who annoyingly describes themselves as feeling “fit as a fiddle…Actually, there are probably three ways, but only one of them is trendly and that’s joining a gym.
Ever since 1990, when the cold war was coming to an end and most of the world was emerging from it’s cocaine addled hangover, the majority of people all over the globe have been obsessed with fitness. Men and women alike join gyms, spas and fitness clubs en masse for the express purpose of trying to convince the opposite sex that they are indeed in good enough shape to have sex as they creepily leer at on another from afar whilst using a Stairmaster.
Gyms aren’t just great places to tempt a restraining order. They’re a top notch option for anyone who harbors a serious desire to run on a treadmill next to someone who smells as though they’ve been swimming in a sewer for the last three days or maybe feels the need to catch a glimpse of someone else’s “manhood” on flagrant display in the locker room. Also, gyms are an ideal setting to pump yourself up with testosterone by listening to Metallica’s black album and then channeling that violent rage into one set of ten curls.
Aside from actually attaining fitness, the act of joining a gym allows those who don’t necessarily consider themselves fit freaks to acquire the illusion of dedication to their own health for a nominal monthly fee. In turn, members can effectively keep up their fitness ruse by showing up one or two times a week and wandering around the perimeter looking for a machine they might want to use for five minutes to achieve some level of muscle tone. Either way…they can still say they paid to join a fitness club…and as you should well know, becoming a member of an exclusive members only club is almost always trendly.
The Trendliest is your friendly guide to latest trends. If you need to know what’s hop, hot, or now…well then you’ve got to read it. Not only is The Trendliest friendly and trendy, but it’s also satirical. So, if you find yourself easily offended by the content, there is a good chance that you are either silly, hyper-sensitive or Canadian. Lighten up Canucks.
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