The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Who Cares?

Hey Trend activists, did you know that there’s a war going on in Iraq? “Whatever”, you say? Well okay, if that’s how you feel about then you’re positively trendly because being apathetic is the latest friendly trend sweeping the nation.

Whether Seal is playing at your local concert hall or endangered baby seals are being clubbed by poachers, being totally apathetic is the first step in not doing anything about the matter. While many advocates for positive social action have deemed apathy to be a societal problem that begets more undesirable circumstances, efforts to end it have gone largely unrewarded due to overall lack of interest.

We’ll Catch Him On The Next Tour

The first attempt at quashing the apathy epidemic took place in 1996 at Ramapo High School in Spring Valley, N.Y. when the Ramapo End Apathy Program (REAP) was instituted. The program’s goal was to get students more involved in community activity, but students instead marked this initiative by telling other people they’d just been “reaped” and forgetting to attend meetings, which served to actually enhance the trend.

Apathy still thrives today inasmuch that we’re entirely too uninspired to even expound on the matter. Now that’s what we call trendly.

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May 13, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Get The Funk Out!

Welcome back Trendly friends. Did you miss us while we were away? We hope not too much. Who are we kidding? We hope you missed us lots because then you’ll be thrilled to know that during our vacation time, we discovered all sorts of exclusive and friendly trends that we’ll be passing along to you, our privileged readers. So are you ready to “get down” to the nitty gritty? We certainly are.

Are you longing to march to the beat of a different drummer because the current drummer you’re marching to has a difficult time performing “We Will Rock You” on Rock band’s easiest setting? Well maybe you need to change your tune entirely and get hip to the hoppest genre of music there is…Funk.

Many people associate Funk music with famous 70’s bands like Sly and The Family Stone, K.C. and The Sunshine Band, and Peter, Paul, and Funktastic…but most people don’t know that Funk music is just another sad example of black people co-opting white culture. The first “Funk” song was actually the Star-Spangled Banner. The song, also known as the National Anthem” was written by Francis Scott Key and is crazy funky, spanning eight octaves. In fact, the term “Funky” is a by product of the name Francis Scott Key. The first time Key sang the song for US Naval Academy band, one of the trumpet players asked “is F (Francis’ nickname) on key?” Another player overheard him thinking he was describing the song as “Fonky”. As time wore on, people began to fiddle with the first “Fonky” song adding hot bass-lines and changing the lyrics altogether until the song sounded something like Parliament Funkadelic’s “Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow”. The word “Fonky”followed suit evolving into funky.
The “Fonky” One
The Funky One

Nowadays everyone is getting into “Funk” music. Young people everywhere that smoke heaps of pot and think both Phish, Dave Matthews, and Snoop Dogg are really “solid” are being inspired to grab a bass and five or six other marginally talented bandmates to kick out the jams. In order to found a formidable modern day Funk outfit there are several crucial elements that must be combined. First, the band must consist of a majority of white bandmates save for one African- American who can really “bust out” on the trumpet or saxophone. The second crucial element for a funk band is a cool name that incorporates the word “Funk”. Some acceptable names include “Confunkshun Junction”, “Grand Funk Railroad” and “Funk Your Mother”.

Correct Funk Band Lineup

If a band wants to be known as a “fusion funk” band, meaning they incorporate Jazz, Disco, Pakistani Qawwali music, and Dave Matthews into their sound, they can also employ the word “Soul” into their moniker. For example, “Soulgazm” or “The Soulfunk Fusion Express Train” are valid fusion band names. The third step to a long and fruitful career as a “Funk” band is to frequent bars that only feature other marginally talented, mostly caucasian funk bands and cater to a mostly upper-middle class collegiate fan-base who have no rhythm, but love to dance by moving their arms as though they were weaving some sort of “air craft”.

After all what’s more friendly and trendy than dancing and creating a non-existent art project with your own hands. That’s for us to know and you to find out…by listening to some Funk music…the trendliest music there is…for now.

May 12, 2008 Posted by | Music | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment