Get Some Air
Are you looking to rock and roll all nite and be trendly every day? Well, there’s no better way to show your dedication to making sweet music than taking up a brand new instrument for the sole purpose of making the opposite sex swoon. We know getting a brand new Oboe or Xylophone can set you back a few hundred bucks, but don’t fret, because you don’t need frets to pay homage to your heavy metal brethren and set your crush’s heart aflutter. Dishing out dollars for a 16-string bass or even a lethal Les Paul is so last millenium. After all if the music is in you, you don’t need an instrument at all, because the trendliest way to show that you’ve got what it takes to make people come down with a case of the hippy-hippy shakes is to dazzle them with a dose of the instrument you play best…no…not your genitalia…we’re talking about Air Guitar!
For centuries people have been playing air instruments. Why, when Jesus first met his first Angel and heard their sweet sounds of her harp, you best believe he started strumming and plucking the ether (not his genitalia). But It wasn’t until the America’s Revolutionary War that air instrumentation truly started being en vogue. It was during this major confrontation that many a soldier began to play “air snare” as the bands that led the Colonists into battle against the British were almost always the first to be slaughtered due to their lack of firearm, and so soldiers had to create the illusion of drumming as they headed into battle with their equally air instrument-reliant enemy.
The Fate of Many a Revolutionary War Drummer
Now that war has been all-but eradicated (or at least war bands have save for the actual band “War”) the vast public has needed a new motivation for air instrumentation. Luckily for people, in the past three hundred years, sex was invented…and nothing gets the ladies and gents more revved up for sex than seeing just how dexterous their potential partner can be as he or she rocks out to Boston’s 1976 Self-titled album showing that if they actually were holding a guitar, or their genitalia, they might possibly know the chord progression to “Smokin’.” Who knows maybe a mastery of all that faux-guitar heroism will earn them the title of World Champion Air Guitarist. Suck on that Slash.
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