The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Learn By Osmosis!

Are you thinking of enrolling in university so that you can finally get that degree in Earth Science or TV repair you’ve always wanted?  Well put down that paper and pencil because at the Richard Dean Anderson Trendliest School of Higher Educational Learning, we’ll prepare you for a career in whatever it is you’ve always dreamed of doing without the bureaucratic hassle or benefit of one of those expensive certified academic institutions.  Sure you could waste years and thousands of dollars going to “school”, but we know you’d rather the quick and easy approach (that’s what she said).   If you’ve got the need, the need for speed learning, the only friendly and trendy method is Osmosis.

The Smartest Cat Alive

Garfield: The Smartest Cat Alive

While in actuality Osmosis is defined as “the diffusion of fluids through membranes or porous partitions” it has been adapted to refer to not just water, but to all fields of knowledge apparent in one’s surroundings being effortlessly absorbed through the pores of the human brain solely based on proximity.  The very first being to put this method of immediate education to good use was the philosopher cat Garfield, who not only learned all of the school subjects in one fell swoop, but learned a secret recipe for lasagna by simply placing his paw on John Arbuckle’s dinner one evening.

The Album That Launched Three Million Guitar Lessons

The Album That Launched Three Million Guitar Lessons

Osmosis has also been used as a handy marketing tool by people who no doubt had once brushed their hand on a marketing textbook.  In 1995, an Epic Records product manager insisted Ozzy Osbourne title his latest album Ozzmosis.  The effect was astonishing as over three million metalheads flocked to stores to buy the album in the hopes that by owning it they would learn how to play guitar as well as if not better than frequent Ozzy collaborator Zakk Wylde.  A similar strategy was employed for the 2001 film Osmosis Jones which ultimately failed because everyone who fell for it the first time was too busy taking guitar lessons the day the movie was in theaters.

VP Candidate Sarah Palin Waves To Her Neighbor Vladimir Putin

VP Candidate Sarah Palin Waves To Her Neighbor Vladimir Putin

Now after laying dormant for seven years or so, the Republican Party has once again jumped on the  bandwagon for the method of learning that Garfield so brazenly introduced.  Prior to announcing the Vice Presidential nomination of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, the Grand ‘Ol Party made the potential first right-hand lady spend just under two years in a house where she could see Russia out the window so that she might gather all of the foreign policy know how she would ever need.  As an added bonus, she listened to John Denver albums on a loop and learned how to be folksy.  Well, all that osmosis has certainly paid off and Sarah Palin is poised for a historic visit to the White House.   Maybe if she ever goes into the Lincoln bedroom and touches his portrait she’ll learn a little something about good presidentin’ too.  Wouldn’t that be something?

September 18, 2008 Posted by | Education, Methods, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Think Outside The Box!

Greetings all you masters of your own imagination.  Have you recently been trying to flex your creative muscle only to have it slam into the wall of your padded cell upon full extension?  Don’t you think it would be easier to get your inspirational juices flowing away from the confines of a cubicle or cardboard box that you call home?  We do too, that’s why we here at Trendliest are recommending the latest friendly, trendly method in exercising your own ingenuity, thinking outside the box!

If you’ve ever suffered from a wicked case of writer’s block or painter’s brush, you know that the mother of invention doesn’t always let you suck at her teat, no matter how close you hover to her said teat.  While begging and pleading for something to happen sometimes forces brilliance, often times separating yourself from your source of torment – whether it be that one act play on the history of your patellar tendon or that song you’re writing for Avril Lavigne’s soulless new album- can accelerate your impulse to innovate and sometimes it’s just good to get out and smell the fresh air, or if you’re in a city, the cat urine.

The phrase thinking outside the box came about in the early days of civilation when great thinkers such as Socrates and Confucius would give advice to the emperors of their day.  It is a little known fact that both renowned philosophers were not in fact human, but were actually chinchillas.  When a great emperor or empress needed a wise word, he would simply take Socrates, Confucius, Archimedes, or Carl Sagan out of his pet container and propose a great question that called for sage advice.  Since no one ever heard these wise beings give advice while they were inside of their boxes, it was assumed that all of their knowledge was derived from being outside the box.

Modern Domesticated Chinchillas Rarely Hand Out Sage Advice

Modern Domesticated Chinchillas Rarely Hand Out Sage Advice

A Somewhat Ideal Spot for "Thinking Outside The Box"

A Somewhat Ideal Spot for "Thinking Outside The Box"

It is for this very reason today that many conference rooms are built in a non-boxy, circular arrangements to give the illusion of not being in open space by enclosing said space with windows overlooking the wonder that is mother nature, so that even the lowliest of employees might be inspired to come up with an idea that’s positively Chinchillan, allowing company higher-ups to milk their underlings for the friendly and trendy ideas that can be derived from “thinking outside the box”.

September 10, 2008 Posted by | Methods | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Get Your Feet Wet

Greetings to the many fish in the trendly sea! Are you looking to get your feet wet, but would like to avoid the inevitable discomfort presented by the change of trying something new? Well the latest friendly trend in footwear won’t make you feel comfortable when you walk a mile in someone’s else’s shoes, but if you don’t like swimming because you have a crippling fear of getting any type of liquid all over your precious paws, perhaps you should try taking a swim in your socks. Not just any pair of knee high knits will shelter your instep from a high seas soaking, you’re going to need to slide into a pair of aqua socks.

Aqua socks were originally invented for Navy Seals (1990), when famous Hollywood actor Charlie Sheen’s contract rider demanded a special kind of shoe be created so that the Wall Street star’s toes wouldn’t get all prune-ish during the filming of water scenes. Once the on set military consult saw how well the shoes worked in terms of keeping digits dry and being less noisy than a pair of boots that tended to clip-clop making sneaking up on opponents impossible; he urged that the US government manufacture the fancy footwear for a special military issue.

Where It All Began

Where It All Began

After making their mark in military invasions of Canada, Panama, and Iraq; Aquasocks became all the rage. Brands like Speedo and Nike began churning out their own versions in their factories in Sri Lanka and Burma so that rich kids in summer camp could show off their ornate waterfront footwear and laugh at their less fortunate peers who could only afford flip flops.

Poor Children Too Ashamed To Show Their Faces

Poor Children Too Ashamed To Show Their Faces

Aqua socks went out of production for a long while as the companies that produced them were too busy moving their factories to places where they could get children who demanded less pay to produce them. Also, their small hands were perfect for reaching in between clogged, razor-sharp gears. However, with the start of the Iraq War in 2003, the NAVY Seals were back in action and in need of some sleek water wear. Just like that they were being massed produced once again, and thanks to the popularity of the war at home all of the kids have started slipping them on yet again…and if the kids are wearing them yet again, they must be friendly, trendy, and patriotic.

September 4, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Fashion, Government | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment