Greetings Trendsferatus! Do you have a genuine thirst for blood and opulence even though you’re not an ambulance chasing lawyer? Do you long to suck the life out of trends until they’re pale, lacking plasma and destined to live forever? If this sounds like you, then you’re already well on your way to taking part in the latest friendly trend, being a vampire.
Seems like you can’t consume any media these days without crossing paths with these creatures of the night. Whether you’re watching children’s television in the morning, trying to see Anna Paquin get naked on HBO in prime time or even reading an erotic teen novel before bedtime, the antics of these bloodthirsty beasts have taken over our culture with their Eastern European accents and general disdain for reflections.
Despite the current frenzy being caused by these hemoglobin-hunting horrors, the proliferation of the ‘pire is nothing new; Bram Stoker’s Dracula was the very first documented fictional vampire dating back to the 1800’s. In actuality, his character was based on 15th Century Romanian Royal, Vlad The Impaler, who was infamous for accidentally drawing blood while fellating male houseguests. Stoker‘s publishers were so horrified by the original draft depicting his homosexual hero that they insisted the author change the main character from a princely Transylvanian with a penchant for counting to ten and a knack for mangling man-parts into a Gary Oldman-ish, saber-toothed seductor draining dames of their plasma and platelets.
This printed legend of Dracula has allowed the Vampire fad to live on for centuries. It’s biggest obstacle was presented in the 1990’s as the pop culture world became a veritable battleground for these mythical monsters. Anne Rice was writing multiple novels about handsome bloodsuckers as vehicles for Tom Cruise, Kirsten Dunst, and Brad Pitt; while Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kristy Swanson, and Wesley Snipes combined efforts to put their kind to an end. For a while it seemed like the slayers would put a stake through the heart of this fad with a musical episode or two, but the star power of the vampires won out.
As we speak there are at least three vampire vehicles out there lurking in the night. They move fast, they air late and before you know it, the public gets bitten and thirsts for even more. We here at Trendliest recommend you hop on this trend quickly, because in as short a time as it takes for the next sunrise, Vampire-chic could crumble to dust. So gel up that widow’s peak, sharpen those teeth, and load some songs from The Cure onto your iPod — because being a vampire doesn’t suck, unless you want it to.
Are you looking to alter the course of history for the better, but aren’t completely sure how to go about it? Well, it’s not going to just happen as you sit in your fancy Washington offices passing bills and sleeping with sexy interns. If you want society to start building towards a better tomorrow (depending on your definition of a better tomorrow), there’s only one friendly and trendy way to do it and that’s CHANGE.
Yes, Trendocrats and Stylepublicans “Change” may have been the watchword this election season, but it’s been a hot-button topic for quite some time now. It’s on the tips of the tongues of the East Coast homeless elite as they reach out their coffee cups demanding it, it’s on the fingertips of those passing through tolls, the minds of southern farmers switching from their pajamas into their plowing clothes at dawn each morning, and yes it’s even on the mind of those who would rather watch something else during commercials. But before all of that beeswax, the idea of “change” was both friendly and trendy to the first man, Adam.
If it weren’t for Adam’s need to obtain one of his required daily servings from the “fruit” food group from a source other than lingonberries, the whole of mankind would be stuck in the Garden of Eden not being allowed to eat apples while ignoring the advances of serpents and the fairer sex. Thanks to the “Big A” and his need to change up his diet and sample something delicious, our species has spread change all over the world- transforming it from a wonderful wilderness into the beautifully smog ridden wasteland of industry that we know today.
Up until recently, the way we ushered in political change in the United States had stayed mostly the same. The longstanding traditional method was to have one rich, white conservative leader replace another of equal or lesser value -similar to the way one would change from one pair of tighty whities into another in the morning. Alas, a new day has come ladies and gentlemen. With the election of Barack Obama -a minority- to the White House, changing the way we change things has become the new way to transform ourselves. So the next time you put your underwear on or decide you’d rather watch Access Hollywood over Entertainment Tonight, remember, you can change those things the conventional way or you can change the way you change them (i.e. using a shirt instead of undies to cover your junk or just not using the remote) and be the friendliest, trendiest person you can be.