The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Do The Vampire!

vampire

Greetings Trendsferatus! Do you have a genuine thirst for blood and opulence even though you’re not an ambulance chasing lawyer?  Do you long to suck the life out of trends until they’re pale, lacking plasma and destined to live forever? If this sounds like you, then you’re already well on your way to taking part in the latest friendly trend, being a vampire.

Seems like you can’t consume any media these days without crossing paths with these creatures of the night.  Whether you’re watching children’s television in the morning, trying to see Anna Paquin get naked on HBO in prime time or even reading an erotic teen novel before bedtime, the antics of these bloodthirsty beasts have taken over our culture with their Eastern European accents and general disdain for reflections.

Vlad The Impaler

Vlad The Impaler

Despite the current frenzy being caused by these hemoglobin-hunting horrors, the proliferation of the ‘pire is nothing new; Bram Stoker’s Dracula was the very first documented fictional vampire dating back to the 1800’s.  In actuality, his character was based on 15th Century Romanian Royal, Vlad The Impaler, who was infamous for accidentally drawing blood while fellating male houseguests. Stoker‘s publishers were so horrified by the original draft depicting his homosexual hero that they insisted the author change the main character from a princely Transylvanian with a penchant for counting to ten and a knack for mangling man-parts into a Gary Oldman-ish, saber-toothed seductor draining dames of their plasma and platelets.

Bram Stoker's Fictionalized Depiction of The Romanian Stallion

Bram Stoker's Fictionalized Depiction Of The Romanian Stallion

This printed legend of Dracula has allowed the Vampire fad to live on for centuries.  It’s biggest obstacle was presented in the 1990’s as the pop culture world became a veritable battleground for these mythical monsters.  Anne Rice was writing multiple novels about handsome bloodsuckers as vehicles for Tom Cruise, Kirsten Dunst, and Brad Pitt; while Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kristy Swanson, and Wesley Snipes combined efforts to put their kind to an end.  For a while it seemed like the slayers would put a stake through the heart of this fad with a musical episode or two, but the star power of the vampires won out.

Fought The Good Fight Against Vampire-Kind

Gellar: Fought The Good Fight Against Vampire-Kind

Won The War

Dunst, Pitt, Cruise: Won The War, Did An Interview About It

As we speak there are at least three vampire vehicles out there lurking in the night.  They move fast, they air late and before you know it, the public gets bitten and  thirsts for even more. We here at Trendliest recommend you hop on this trend quickly, because in as short a time as it takes for the next sunrise, Vampire-chic could crumble to dust. So gel up that widow’s peak, sharpen those teeth, and load some songs from The Cure onto your iPod — because being a vampire doesn’t suck, unless you want it to.

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November 13, 2008 - Posted by | Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Literature, Television | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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