The Trendliest 2008 Holiday Gift Guide
Attention Trendly shoppers! There’s only 22 shopping days left until Christmas. That’s 525 hours you can spend watching TV in preparation for three hours of high-octane, full-contact shopping. After all, we wouldn’t want you to miss those marathons of “Law And Order: Missing Puppy Unit” and “House M.D.” you’ve been so eagerly awaiting. So with such little time left to tackle the task of finding that special something for those special someones, what’s a friendly, trendy person such as yourself to do?
Well, you could buy heaps of magazines and read their ‘Top 10 Things You Can’t Afford But Should Buy Your Loved One Anyway” lists, though that could certainly put a hurting on your cash flow, which is a big no-no when you consider how en vogue it is to be a cheapskate this season. So to help stay more in touch with the times, we here at Trendliest have come up with our own friendly, trendy list of the hottest gifts of the giving season.
So without any further ado, The Trendliest 2008 Holiday Gift Guide:
FOR THE KIDS
Matches– Prometheus was an adult when he discovered fire, allow your children the magic of this scorcher of a present before they know how to handle it responsibly. Who said growing up fast isn’t trendly?
Tickle Me Chucky– Everyone else will be making a mad dash for Tickle Me Elmo. Differentiate yourself by getting that little tyke a Tickle Me Chucky. Your child tickles…Chucky stabs. It’s a win-win situation or potentially painful lesson.
Snickers– It satisfies you. If your kids aren’t satisfied with that, well then they’re just ungrateful.
Horror Make Up Kit– Every time you scar them emotionally, they’ll be able to show it physically.
Leopard Print Underwear– Because Every man secretly wants his penis to move with cat-like agility.
The Diff’rent Strokes DVD Collection– What you talkin’ bout Santa?
The Peanut Butter Machine– Next time you catch him getting Peanut Butter licked off his genitalia by the dog, you can take comfort in knowing that at least it’s homemade and not that store bought processed Peter Pan junk.
Leopard Print Underwear-Because every woman secretly wants her breasts to move with cat-like agility.
Ankle Jewelry– All women like ankle jewelry. Why not give her something that no one gets to see most of the time and tells you when she’s drunk? It’ll be your little secret.
“He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo– Tell her how much you care. She’ll laugh about this later.
FOR THE ELDERLY
Complaint Box and Forms– Old people are very vocal and love to complain, but yelling about things makes them tired. The Complaint Box allows them to voice as many opinions as they want without using their actual voice. And you can get around to dealing with them whenever.
Binoculars– They’re going to need them to watch over you when they’re in heaven.
Well there you have it deal-getters and trendsetters, Trendliest’s list of must-haves this holiday season. What are you waiting for? Get out there and keep that economy afloat…or if you have to wait until Dr. House figures out what’s wrong with his current patient and improbably saves her life at the last possible second, then by all means take your time. Just remember, Christmas is December 25th and Hannukah is…well who knows when that is? Remember it’s always better to buy trendly than to leave with a cart that’s empty. Happy sales to you…and try not to run over anyone.