Bidet Can You See?
Hey Trendly tidy freaks. Does the thought of rough two-ply TP send your butt cheeks into a fearful frenzy? Are you anal about keeping your a-hole as immaculate as Jesus’ conception? If you regularly put cleanliness next to godliness, then we here at Trendliest recommend you get on board with our new personal hygiene lord and savior, the bidet.
The bidet is certainly not a new wrinkle in the removal of the unsightly from our undersides. In fact, the bidet dates all the way back to 17th Century France when King Louis XIV held court at Versailles. The word bidet, however, did not apply to a special kind of plumbing fixture that squirted water to clean one’s bum and undercarriage, rather it referred to Laurent Bidet, a man who squirted water like a fountain from his mouth to clean the king’s bum and undercarriage after bouts of explosive diarrhea or in the event toilet leaf was not present, which was most of the time.
While Laurent Bidet took great pride in being the first man to repeatedly restore the King’s cleanliness and therefore his godliness, there were certain drawbacks to being the King’s personal rear end wiper; most notably was the splashback. Bidet eventually went insane and told Louis, “he could shove it up his ass,” in french. As a result, he was beheaded before the court and The King took his advice to heart using Bidet’s head as his own toilet towel until he contracted some rather nasty ailments.
Determined not to relive his father’s embarrassment, Francois Bidet developed the first modern era Bidet that with the turn of a faucet blasted warm water directly to the King’s anus, thus giving him a feeling of heavenly euphoria. Young Bidet was rewarded in riches and became the Louis XIV right hand man because he himself was a lefty.
Not so remarkably, the Bidet is still a much sought after device, as it allows those on the toilet to eschew the use of paper to beautify their bottom. It is estimated that each bidet saves about 250,000 trees a year, making it a truly one of the first green gadgets. So not only does the bidet put pleasure in proclaiming your cleanliness, but as it helps save the planet it puts a little godliness in your hands at the turn of a faucet or a blast in your behind. Now that’s what we call a friendly trend.