I Swear To $#%$*
Witnesses for the trend-secution, do you SWEAR to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you blog? You do? Good, now place your hand on a copy of the Bible, Torah, Koran, Bhagavad Gita, or The Secret and say that all again because with all the swearing you’re going to be doing it’s going to be necessary to carry the Holy Book of your choice at all times seeing as Swearing is the hottest and friendliest trend currently sweeping the nation.
The verb “to swear” has had a short and rather glorious history. It was derived from the surname of Charles F. Swayer, a teacher in 19th Century Britain. Swayer was not a very good teacher due to the fact that he was not well-versed in virtually anything factual. Often times whilst giving a lesson his students would mumble the word “bollocks” under their collective breath and sometimes out loud. This incensed the educator and he demanded that whenever a student uttered such heinous word they pay a one shilling penalty by placing a coin on a designated plate on his desk. This “Swayer plate” was a huge failure due to the fact that when one student would come up to place a shilling on the plate, they’d inevitably take another one back.
It was for this sole reason that Swayer was moved to invent the “jar”. By having his students put their coins in a round, covered receptacle with a slit for change on top, his class could less obviously reimburse themselves with the shillings of others. Not only did this invention revolutionize the teaching field, but went on to influence parenting as adults everywhere caught on to the Swayer Jar. However, when the practice crossed the Atlantic and was adapted by Americans soon after, the name somehow was turned into the Swear Jar and the actual word that was once just a surname was perverted to mean multiple things, ranging from a promise to an expletive.
While the act of swearing has been long frowned upon by jar-wielding parents across the nation, ever since Barack Obama was sworn in as America’s 44th President, it’s more or less become an epidemic. Everyone including Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, dock workers in Detroit, Christian Bale on the set of Terminator 4, engaged couples in Des Moines, expert witnesses in double murder trials, and Dane Cook have been uttering a variety of magical words including “I do”, “I will”, and seven words we can’t say on this blog even though we’re not exactly policed by the FCC. Whether we can say them or not, doesn’t make them any less trendly. We promise.
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