The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

TV on The Radio

Greetings trendspiring actors and actresses! Have you had a major role on a made-for-TV movie, feature film, or perhaps just sat in the first row during a taping of “The Maury Povich show”? If you said yes, you’re probably all ready a huge or dim, flickering star. Well, now that you’ve shown your chops and had the chance to shine on the big screen, small screen, or as part of a live studio audience, isn’t about time you made the next logical leap in worldwide media domination?

Of course it is! And once you’ve gotten your fill of beautifying the world visually with your “acting”, there’s no trendlier move to cement your celebrity status than by adding some sweet, sweet music to your already impressive entertainment resume by releasing an album of mediocre to bad, upbeat pop songs.

Most people are unaware that being a media double threat is as old as the moving picture itself. Fred Ott, the star of Thomas Edison’s famous 1880’s short film of a man sneezing, parlayed his fame and recognition into a long and fruitful musical career as banjoist and lead vocalist for Booger Freddy and The Sneezers- Menlo Park, NJs premiere Bluegrass outfit and winner of seven Grammy awards.

Freddy of Freddy and The Sneezers in Action

While Freddy may have been the first to achieve such a feat, he left ample footprints for many on screen celebrities to follow in. In the 1950’s people like Doris Day and Frank Sinatra transitioned seamlessly back and forth between film and music, much like Will Smith does today. Perhaps the biggest success of the era was King Kong siren and scream queen Fay Wray who put out an entire 78 of shrieks that served as a musical precursor to punk rock.

Punk Pioneer Fay Wray

Today there’s an entirely new era of TV talent clamoring for record industry success. Super talents like Don Johnson, Heidi Montag, Hayden Panetierre, Lindsay Lohan, and Hillary Duff often leave their careers as superstars of the “Boobs tube” to pursue the secondary drama club dream of using space-aged “Studio Magic” and a talented slew of European songwriters to dutifully perform innocuous, meaningless songs in front of scores of shrieking teen fans who in the following years will wonder what they were thinking.

Ms. Montag: Scary/Talented

Either way, these stars will have made a boatload of money…and really what’s trendlier than earning heaps of money by exploiting kids who have yet to form personalities and don’t know any better than to buy your music because they envy you for no apparent reason…and then using that money to have three breast augmentation surgeries.

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July 17, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Film, Music, Television | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Everybody Loves Cable

Hey you trendly little devils. Did that stint in the PHD program at your local community college not quite work out? Or perhaps your run as a pizza delivery boy was not all the movie Loverboy with Patrick Dempsey made it out to be? If you’re still looking to be all that you can be in the service industry, but haven’t yet found your niche, we here at the Trendliest have yet another friendly and trendy suggestion a fledgling careerist such as yourself can tackle with gusto. We think it’s about time you installed yourself on the trendly path to becoming a Cable Repairman.

Being a cable guy is more than just an opportunity to fulfill your sexual fantasies with bored housewives. It’s a job that allows you to “install new features in your customers unit”, “add quality components to their box”, and with cable’s new internet capabilities “upload large files from their hard drive” or gain a huge following by telling groundbreakingly stupid jokes about your white trash lifestyle. In a world that is increasingly reliant on cable television for entertainment, the Cable Repair Person is a god amongst service industry professionals, so much so that they are free to make their own suggested hours and make clients cater to their “I’ll get there when I get there” sense of duty all the while maintaining the freedom to take plentiful lunch breaks and employ liberal use of their time to run errands in the midst of what appears to be a busy schedule.

If This Van’s A Rockin’

Perhaps the crown jewel of the cable repair job is the Cable Repair van that when pimped out properly can resemble a seductive love den complete with a “If this van’s a rockin’ don’t come a knockin'” bumper sticker. It should be duly noted though that this “love den” should be kept out of site of eight to ten year old demon children curious about cable “hookups”,but more interested in the entrapment of unwitting repair technicians into career and perhaps life-ending molestation charges, which is decidedly unfriendly and untrendy. As long as you steer clear of that one obstacle you should be able to sustain this fruitful and trendly career path to the tops of the repair ranks. Who knows, you may even get to star in a movie about your life, just like famous cable repairmen Jim Carrey and Larry The Cable Guy. What are you waiting for? Git ‘r’ done!

July 14, 2008 Posted by | Careers, Celebrities, Electronics | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fascinasian

Greetings Trendly nation! Do you like animation? Do you like bizarre game shows? How about laughing at people who are different than you because they say things with an accent and don’t necessarily have a rudimentary understanding of your language? Well, then making light of Japanese culture is certainly a friendly trend that you can get on board with.

Yes, Americans have been enjoying Japanese culture since an unknown wall street banker enjoyed his first rolls of Sushi after an all night cocaine binge back in 1982. Prior to that, the only things about Japan Americans celebrated had something to do with a giant mushroom cloud or their fancy new CD player. Since then, major multi-national corporations and people all over the United States have caught on to the fact that Japanese people are amusing and that exploiting their culture is a relatively harmless practice.

Disembodied Japanese Heads Rank High On The Fun-o-meter

Companies like Six Flags with their “more flags more fun” ad campaign, The Food Network and FOX with their adaptations of Japanese game shows have done a wonderful job of co-opting the fun things about Japanese culture, such as their penchant for utilizing the appeal of shouting, disembodied heads; zapping all of the personality out of them by using them for monetary gain even though their quirkiness and excitability doesn’t necessarily translate into the culture of the particular country they inhabit.

Pikachu: “Collect Me, I Love You”

There have been a few cases, such as Pokemon and Nintendo, where Japanese culture has been translated successfully into American culture. However, both of those instances were undertaken with the guidance of Japanese businesses with the aim of exploiting the American population for their own commercial gain and VIP seating at Karaoke bars…which is not trendly. The last time America let that happen was with Belgians and the cartoon lovingly known as “The Smurfs” and we all know where that led.

The Smurfs’ Success Caused Irreparable Van Dammage

Things can only be friendly and trendly if we here in the United States co-opt other people’s culture. That way no one gets hurt and we can continue to be our blissfully ignorant selves, which the last time we checked has always been trendly.

July 10, 2008 Posted by | Advertising, Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Japan, Television, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Accidental Terrorist

Odds are if you’re checking out this here site you’re on the hunt for something utterly friendly and trendy. You may also be wondering if there are trends you might have the good fortune to discover on your own. It would be easy for us to say no so that you might continue being absolutely dependant on us for finding out just what in the world is hop and hot, but the truth is there are some hot new fads you can stumble upon all by your self…the latest of which is being accidentally and irresponsibly labeled a “terrorist.”

While being accidentally labeled a terrorist goes as far back as the 1996 Olympics when Richard Jewell “bombed” a perfectly good Olympic venue all in the name of drawing the attention away from the fact that a Bulgarian, not an American participant captured three gold medals in weighlifting…the resurgence in the trend can be credited to the heinous attacks of September 11th. Since the government’s irresponsible handling of the events leading to an actual terrorist attack, they’ve stepped up efforts to compensate for the fact that they’re not doing enough for homeland security by making sure all bars have Toby Keith albums on their jukebox. Additionaly, the government has made efforts to raise public paranoia levels with the “if you see a brown person doing something, say something” slogan and their special hotline for reporting talkative cab drivers.

Rachael Ray Threatens Freedom With A Dynamite Coolatta

However, it’s not only poor brown people who’ve had the fortune of participating in this latest trend; Celebrities are also at the forefront of this fad. America’s Sweetest Pitchperson Rachael Ray was sent to Abu Ghraib after dressing up like Yasser Arafat in a Dunkin’ Donuts ad where she was then subject to the trendly practice of waterboarding. Even Presidential frontrunner Barack Obama and his wife aren’t immune to trendliness. The two were placed under heavy scrutiny after engaging in the “Al Qaeda Fist Bump” after a lively speech about overthrowing the current Republican regime.

The Friction from Said Fist Bump Usually Creates Explosions of Epic Proportions

Don’t be trend-orists…If the two most popular people in the greatest nation in the world are getting their accidental terrorism on…what are you waiting for? Shouldn’t you be arousing suspicion by leaving a suspicious package on the train that just so happens to look like your pocket book or maybe letting your oven burner run a bit before lighting a match to create a huge gas explosion in your house? Either of those would be da bomb, and totally trendly ways to arouse suspicion that you are in fact a terrorist.

July 9, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Government, Methods, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Two Thumbs Up for Criticism

Hey Trendlophiliacs! We know you’re probably oozing trendliness from your arteries and veins with little hope of it ever clotting, but that’s probably a good thing. Everyone on your block probably knows how trendly you are by now so when you talk, they’ll listen. That’s sure to come in handy with our next trendly career, being a film critic.

Sergei Eisenstein: An Early Target for Film Criticism and Monkey Feces

The earliest form of film criticism came courtesy of Pogo The Monkey when he attended a screening of Eisenstein’s Battleship Potemkin back in 1925. After watching the film journalists asked Pogo what he thought of the film and Pogo raised three out of his ten fingers and then proceeded to fling his feces in the director’s general direction. Everyone took this to mean Pogo was none too impressed by Eisenstein’s pioneering use of montage. The monkey confirmed his feelings about the film by stating “my cousin Zippy could do a better job directing a snuff flick.” Pogo’s caustic sensationalism was quickly rewarded by the Chicago Daily Courier, who rewarded the chimp with his very own film and entertainment column. His ten finger rating system quickly became the norm for all film criticism and often his quotes were taken out of context and used on film posters. The most famous of these incidents was on the poster for The Wizard of Oz which read, “The Wizard of Oz Is A Landmark Piece…” when the actual line from the monkey’s review said “The Wizard of Oz Is A Landmark Piece of Crap.” As a critic Pogo became so famous that a comic book called “The Critic” was written about him. That comic book was later turned into an animated TV show starring Jon Lovitz, which was widely panned and had an abbreviated run on FOX.

Jay Sherman: The Human Cartoon Manifestation of Pogo The Monkey

By the 1960’s filmgoers grew tired of the monkey’s constant negativity. Two burgeoning film critics took this as their cue, effectively harnessing man’s evolutionary progress by utilizing opposable thumbs to their advantage. Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel recognized the confusion caused by rating a film on a scale from one to ten, so they simplified it by giving movies either a “thumbs up” or “thumbs down”. Movie fans favored the ease of this kind of ratings system over Pogo’s increasingly scathing reviews. While Pogo may have died alone and penniless in the zoo never having had the fortune of seeing James Cameron’s Titanic, the practice of film criticism lives on today, thanks to his efforts.

Two Thumbs Up For Evolution!

Plenty of people who like the idea of spending all of their time in dark rooms staring at a large screens, making lists, criticizing celebrities and seeing their name in print for overstating how good the film Juno was, have taken up the cause of film criticism. People like Richard Corliss of Time Magazine and Ron Brewington of Urban Radio Network have made it their life’s work to have their names in print, lauding Tom Cruise films or imposing their opinions on a public eager to have someone tell them what’s good. Yes, If you like the idea of millions of people’s viewing habits resting whether or not you have an opinion and opposable thumbs then being a film critic (or maybe a fascist dictator) is for you.

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Careers, Celebrities, Entertainment, Film, Television | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

Hello tried and true Trendliest fans. Have you recently grown a little weary of something in your life that you consider to be the least bit aesthetically undesirable? Maybe you’re still wearing a beehive hairdo (that’s so last year) or the bedroom you sleep in doesn’t look quite enough like the grandstand court at the All England Lawn Tennis Club even though it’s your dream to participate in Wimbledon. Well, we here at Trendliest think it’s time to do something nice for yourself and treat your hair and perhaps the other unsatisfactory areas of your life to the friendliest trend around- a makeover.

This Could Be Your Bedroom

This Could Be Your Bedroom

Prior to the advent of television, the idea of changing something about yourself or “making it over” was an idea only associated with escaped convicts. People who got new hairstyles or attitudes were usually arrested and sent back to jail on suspicion of wrongdoing alone. All of this changed thanks to “Sonny and Cher”, who first achieved popularity as a lovable variety-show hosting singing couple, but got career makeovers when Cher morphed into a sailor-banging Academy Award-Winning drag queen and gay icon and Sonny learned how to ski.

Cher & Sonny Pre Makeover Post Citizen's Arrest

Sonny & Cher Pre-Makeover, Post Citizen’s Arrest

One of Cher’s Many Fabulous Makeovers

Many artists followed Sonny and Cher’s example, none so successfully as Madonna who experimented with countless looks and morphed from a younger 20 something-ish dancing whore/sexual icon into an older 50-ish wrinkled dancing whore/sexual icon.

Because of Madonna and Cher’s drastic makeovers in the public eye, television executives thought that making over inanimate objects such as wardrobes, bathrooms, and straight men could be equally as appealing to audiences of popular culture. As a result, the Bravo network was founded and producers immediately got to work on making over everything in sight, starting of course with their offices, which had wallpaper that was a horrible shade of mauve that just had to go.

A Color Swatch of Bravo's Office Wallpaper

A Color Swatch of Bravo’s Office Wallpaper

Nowadays if you want to make over anything all you need is a gay friend, a camera crew and Ty Pennington. Luckily for us, we managed to wrangle all three of those things together yesterday, and now Trendliest has a whole new look. We hope you enjoy our makeover…we think it’s a most friendly and trendy site for formerly sore eyes.

June 26, 2008 Posted by | Careers, Celebrities, Entertainment, Fashion, image, interior decoration, Methods, Music, self-help, Television, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Get The Concept

Greetings Tune Trend-ficionados! Do you want to hear a little story, but are deathly afraid of risking life, limb and the potential of pesky papercuts from the inevitable page turning that accompanies getting to the nexus of most novellas? First of all, don’t even think of listening to those books on tape. There’s nothing exciting about listening to the guy who played Q on “Star Trek: The Next Generation” reading Ivanhoe. Wouldn’t you rather hear a story that simply rocked? Well that’s the idea behind “Concept Albums,” the hottest friendly trend in music that combines two of our favorite things, storytelling and rock and roll. Most of the time they even include our third favorite thing, futuristic robots.

The First Concept Album

The history of the “Concept Album” is a storied one beginning in the early 1960’s when Brian Wilson penned the first one ever for the Beach Boys entitled Surfin’ Safari. The album told a story about group of young lads who go on a surfing trip only to have it ruined by futuristic alien robots who steal their girls and take them for a ride in their “409” while the boys are left at the beach to go “Surfin'” and wonder if they’ll see the girls later at the “County Fair.” The album was met with extreme critical praise, but the fans just didn’t get it– and thus The Beach Boys never broke through into the mainstream.

A Futuristic Robot Cavorts With A Beach Boy‘s Girlfriend

It would take almost another fifteen years before another band had the courage to take their crack at the concept album. That band was Rush and that album was 2112. The combined efforts of Neil Peart on Drums, Geddy Lee on Bass/Vocals, and Alex Lifeson on the guitar– crafted a sublime tale of a Canada run by an evil Robotic overlord who was surprisingly unfuturistic for the times, hell bent on declaring all out war on Greenland on New Year’s Eve 2111. This album blew away the critics and was embraced by fans sweeping both the Grammy Awards and Juno Awards from 1976 to 1978.

Rush: Masters of The Concept Album

After Rush’s masterpiece “Concept Albums” were seen as a lost art. One artist even made an entire career out of failed concept albums. Pop star Chris Gaines released 15 albums as his country alter ego Garth Brooks, yet never achieved any measure of critical acclaim comparable to 2112. He even tried releasing one last ditch attempt under his own name entitled Chris Gaines Is A Futuristic Robot that combined simple pop/country with electronica, but to no avail. Many groups have since failed at making concept albums. Radiohead’s 1997 effort OK Computer, which told the story of the world being set back to 1900 because of the Y2K bug was seen as laughable and completely unrealistic, but still retains a cult following today.

Garth Brooks: Chris Gaines’ Unsuccessful Alter Ego 

The most recent semi-successful attempt at a concept album was Michael Jackson’s Thriller: 25th Anniversary Edition, which is a tale about a talented African-American who decides he wants to be a talented, mostly bizarre caucasian; yet twenty five years later he comes back around and decides to be African-American again only to find out that the only way he can do so is to become a futuristic robot

Yes, trendlies and trendtleman, it’s a rare occasion that an artist makes a successful concept album, so we suggest you jump on this friendly trend right away, because like concept albums themselves, it may only last for an hour or two.

June 24, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Music | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Opposites Attract

Hey Untrendly Haters, What’s down? We here at Trendliest hope you’re having the positively dreadful day that you don’t deserve. Say you readers seem to be a little confused. We’re not accusing you of disliking our site or saying we hope your life is awful (or aren’t we?), but if that’s what you took from the first sentence, you obviously haven’t caught up to the latest conversational trend…declaring opposite day.

Marie Antoinette Choosing Her Words Carefully…But Not Carefully Enough

Opposite day is when you don’t mean anything you say, but rather the exact opposite. It was first utilized by Marie Antoinette during the French Revolution as “le jour contraire”, when she uttered the famous words “let them eat cake” referring to the peasant class. Unaware that the peasant class had no knowledge of the new aristocratic practice they were insulted by the Queen’s ignorance to their plight. That being said, the intended sentiment of “Let them eat feces” probably would have resulted in a much more swift death via guillotine.

Herbert Hoover: Staunch Proponent of Opposite Day

The practice of Le Jour Contraire traveled overseas in time for the 1928 Presidential Election when Herbert Hoover declared that every American family would have “a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage,” after which he was heard uttering sinisterly to a campaign staffer, “I hate opposite day..ha…ha”. Again, unaware of what day it was, the country bought Hoover’s message of hope, hook, line, and sinker. Nearly a year later the country was mired in the Great Depression or as Hoover referred to it in other prominent addresses to a struggling nation, “The Wee Excitement.” Nearly Fifty years later Ronald Reagan famously invoked opposite day rules yet again when speaking of “trickle-down economics.”

Unbeknownst To Half Of This Crowd…They Were Rooting For The Same Person

Until recently, the mystery of Opposite Day was hidden in the Presidential Book of Secrets, though a few fellow politicians that happened to be members of The Skulls starring Joshua Jackson, shared the clandestine code with fellow fraternity members who in trying to lessen the organization’s iron clad grip on their lives leaked it’s practice to the proletariat and elementary school children. The trend spread so fast throughout the country without the proper rules for it’s use being disseminated. This situation came to a head during the 2000 Presidential election when the majority of voters were unaware that they were voting on an opposite day (with opposite side of the street parking rules in effect) and stamped their ballots for Al Gore accidentally handing over the reins of the position of most powerful office in the world to George W. Bush. Luckily, Mr. Bush ended up being the right man for the job, leading the United States and the world to eight years of peace and prosperity…and really there’s nothing more trendly than peace, prosperity and continued economic gain…well, except for opposite day.

June 23, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Language, Methods, Social Trends | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Trendliness in Action: Pranks- Jeff Ehrhardt

Hello Trend Trackers, We here at the Trendliest admit sometimes the things that we consider downright trendly can seem so absolutely crazy that it might prompt readers to think we’re just pulling their leg. Fortunately, every once in awhile our knack for sniffing out what’s hot gets the affirmation it so deserves in the form of a news story.

This morning we were absolutely delighted to read about our latest social trend, Pranks, being put to good use by a top notch athlete at a prominent Kentucky University. This T.M.O.C. (Trendly Man on Campus) is none other than Murray State Quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt, who when in response to a dare from a teammate who offered him $20 (any amount of money is trendly) pushed a campus police officer and took his ticket book. While we previously didn’t state “dares” as trendly, the campus athletic director’s affirmation of the whole event being “a prank gone bad”, validates our previous post.

As a result, The Trendliest salutes Murray State Quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt…and hopes that he can avoid the potential 10 year prison term that goes along with being charged with 2nd Degree Robbery so that he can continue being Trendly in other ways, like perhaps playing the Clarinet.

April 14, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Methods | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Prank’d: Be Like Ashton!

Hello my band of trendly tricksters, are you having a laugh? No? Well that’s too bad. Are you sad because your significant other was in a horrible train accident today and your apartment just burned down? What, nobody told you? We’re just kidding. That’s what we here at The Trendliest call a prank…and it’s the hottest new way to get a hearty har-har out of friends and family, but mostly out of yourself.

Pulling a prank is easy. There are only a few simple steps. First, think of a friend, enemy, frenemy, or group you want to make feel bad. Second, think of something to do that would absolutely eliminate that person or group’s dignity and/or crush their soul. Third, enact a plan including either bombs, children, or other celebrities (sometimes all three) to temporarily crush their soul and/or erase their dignity. Next, watch said person or group lose their dignity while reacting to this potentially horrific occurrence by bursting into tears or reacting in a manic nature. Finally, announce to your friend, enemy, frenemy or group that they’ve been “punk’d” or that the event that has crushed their soul indeed never occurred or that at least part of what you said wasn’t true, thus sending a great sense of relief to said prankee, though never fully restoring their dignity. There, you’ve pranked someone. Wasn’t it fun and or trendy?

Carson Palmer: Leader of Trojans, Destroyer of Spartans

While Pranking is currently trendly, some times it can go horribly awry. One of the first pranks was held way back in the time of the Trojan War (otherwise known as the 2002 GMAC Humanitarian Bowl) when the USC Trojans led by then Quarterback Carson Palmer entered the Spartan arena by occupying a wooden horse that was then left outside the Michigan State University stadium, which their opponents then mistook as a gift and brought it onto the field of battle. However, once inside the East Lansing stadium, Palmer and company ritualistically slaughtered their opponents with a precision passing attack, clock eating run game, and harrowing defense by a score of 48-3, thus winning the Trojan War…and leaving plenty of blood, pain, and humiliation in their wake.

Those Poor, Unfortunate Michiganders

Ashton Kutcher: Trendliest Hero

Indeed, while most pranks end in horrible tragedy due to the fact that they never reach that aforementioned “final step”, as evidenced by the efforts of extremist religious groups like Al Qaeda and shows like “Candid Camera”, one man has mastered the art of stripping people of their dignity and then giving it back to them in small pieces so that over time they may one day hope to be a shell of their former selves. That man is Ashton Kutcher. His hit show “Punk’d” shows famous people crying because their fancy cars have been smashed even though they haven’t and it makes us all laugh, which is the original point of pulling the prank in the first place…and what’s more trendly than coming full circle.

April 11, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Methods | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment