The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

In The Bush

Greetings creatures of the fashionable flesh.  Are you often met with vacant stares when you remove your pants to feel the air down there? Are you the type of person who who enjoys baring more than your soul while playing nine holes? Do you long to visit a tropical paradise where the wind blows through the palm trees and your undercarriage?  And finally, are you a high school principle or retired haberdasher with a front-butt and revolting genitalia who would feel more secure if everyone knew what you were packing all of the time?  Well, why didn’t you say so?  You’re qualified to hit up the friendly trendy new hot spots that are sprouting up almost as often as your freshly shorn pubic hair.  We’re not talking about locker rooms, but the friendliest and trendiest new form of communal living…Nudist Colonies.

610-nudist-colony-sign

Nudist colonies have been existence since the earliest man couldn’t figure out how to skin a fern, but since then civilization has forsaken all forms of open air, be it warm or cold in order to hide their sexy parts from each other in order to lamely maintain an air of mystery about themselves.  However, as time has worn on and films as diverse as Debbie Does Dallas and Aladdin have dropped the double entendre in favor of straight up entendre…human beings have more and more often been getting down to the nitty gritty by basically spending the majority of their waking hours trying to see each other naked. The advent of nudist colonies came as a direct result of this basic human desire to undress one another.

Aladdin, The Film That Inspired Thousands of Good Teenaged Girls To Take Off Their Clothes

Aladdin, The Film That Inspired Thousands of Good Teenaged Girls To Take Off Their Clothes

Nudist Colonies are usually located in areas distant from population centers due to the fact that most inhabitants have been shunned by those same group of human beings that have no desire to see certain  disrobe and wish they’d all just hide in the woods out of plain sight with their pubic forestry blending in with the actual forestry.  However, amongst their accepted equals these nudists maintain that the human body is a beautiful an not at all awkward thing that should be embraced whether one is fishing, eating, or just plain singing karaoke.

Whatever Happened To Macy Gray? Well, She's Performing Karaoke Versions of Her Own Songs at Nudist Colonies.  But, Of Course!

Whatever Happened To Macy Gray? Well, She's Performing Karaoke Versions of Her Own Songs at Nudist Colonies. But, Of Course!

While most of these flesh farms consist largely of bare elders, there is a growing youth movement. The younger population in these environments tend to be very well educated and absolutely fearless on account of the fact that they never have that recurring nightmare when they’re standing naked at the front of the classroom. And in our estimation the proliferation of a confident youth class is most decidedly trendly.

Confident Nude Youths Engaged In A Game of Touch Rugby

Confident Nude Youths Engaged In A Game of Touch Rugby

Some may think the best part of joining a Nudist Colony is the sense of community, the buffet or the regular games of badminton; we here at Trendliest beg to differ.  The most appealing part of being a Nudist is getting to see boobs.  Any time there are boobs on  display no matter how saggy or perky, it will always be considered friendly or trendly.

April 2, 2009 Posted by | Culture, family entertainment, self-help, Sexuality, Social Trends, Travel | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funemployment!

Howdy, friendly trendy blue collar folk.  Are you too busy working your fingers to the bone  and putting food on your table for your family to keep up with the Kardashians?  Well, don’t let Khloe, Kim, Kara, Karl, Kami, Karter, Kevlar, and Brody do all of the partying.  Drop the hero act and get with zero pack.  After all, the family that does nothing productive for society is the family that gets the most endorsement money.  Are we right or are we right?  (We know we’re right.)  While you’re working the assembly line those “talented” kids are busy working the Conga line and still making much more loot than you ever will…unless you take advantage of a little friendly trend we’d like to call Unemployment.

3 of The Kardashians Try To Break The World Record For Hours Spent Having Fun Dancing With A Pole

3 of The Kardashians Try To Break The World Record For Hours Spent Having Fun Dancing With A Pole

Unemployment is the sole reason all of the children of famous people have more than enough free time to partake in glamorous events like making their own sex tapes, dancing with the stars, walking the Grammy Red Carpet and filming a reality show for E! Think about it, if you didn’t have that pesky job, you could be skiing the Swiss Alps (until your money ran out assuming you decided not to pay your rent), writing a blog like this, or spending the entirety of your day doling out your previously hard earned cash at the local strip club away from they watchful eye of your wife and kids, but delightfully close to a beautiful woman named Sapphire.

Hello Sapphire!

Hello Sapphire!

There’s never been a better time to reap the benefits of Funemployment™ as corporations around the world are eager to get all their once employees a chance to live the life of the rich and famous,  in essence saying, “Hey Brody! Get out of here.  Go out and have a blast,” by terminating the jobs of their workers.  And with unemployment levels at their highest rate since the early 1990’s, millions upon millions of former workers are experiencing the good life that comes with standing on that unemployment line in the hopes that it will eventually be lined with paparazzi clamoring to take fabulous photos of the “less is more” fortunate.

An Army of Newly Unemployed Workers Raise Their Pink Slip In Delight

An Army of Newly Unemployed Workers Raise Their Pink Slip In Delight

The best part of Funemployment! is the pay.  While it’s true you’d probably get substantially less than you originally made when you still had a job, you never had the time to enjoy all that cash you were making anyway.  Raking in less coin just means you’ll value the things you spend every last precious penny on provided it has nothing to do with providing for your family.  Seriously, there’s nothing friendly and trendy about free time, if you’ve gotta worry about serious issues like bills and rent.  That’s why we call it Funemployment!

February 10, 2009 Posted by | Careers, Culture, Economy, Entertainment, Family, family entertainment, Money, Television | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Do The Vampire!

vampire

Greetings Trendsferatus! Do you have a genuine thirst for blood and opulence even though you’re not an ambulance chasing lawyer?  Do you long to suck the life out of trends until they’re pale, lacking plasma and destined to live forever? If this sounds like you, then you’re already well on your way to taking part in the latest friendly trend, being a vampire.

Seems like you can’t consume any media these days without crossing paths with these creatures of the night.  Whether you’re watching children’s television in the morning, trying to see Anna Paquin get naked on HBO in prime time or even reading an erotic teen novel before bedtime, the antics of these bloodthirsty beasts have taken over our culture with their Eastern European accents and general disdain for reflections.

Vlad The Impaler

Vlad The Impaler

Despite the current frenzy being caused by these hemoglobin-hunting horrors, the proliferation of the ‘pire is nothing new; Bram Stoker’s Dracula was the very first documented fictional vampire dating back to the 1800’s.  In actuality, his character was based on 15th Century Romanian Royal, Vlad The Impaler, who was infamous for accidentally drawing blood while fellating male houseguests. Stoker‘s publishers were so horrified by the original draft depicting his homosexual hero that they insisted the author change the main character from a princely Transylvanian with a penchant for counting to ten and a knack for mangling man-parts into a Gary Oldman-ish, saber-toothed seductor draining dames of their plasma and platelets.

Bram Stoker's Fictionalized Depiction of The Romanian Stallion

Bram Stoker's Fictionalized Depiction Of The Romanian Stallion

This printed legend of Dracula has allowed the Vampire fad to live on for centuries.  It’s biggest obstacle was presented in the 1990’s as the pop culture world became a veritable battleground for these mythical monsters.  Anne Rice was writing multiple novels about handsome bloodsuckers as vehicles for Tom Cruise, Kirsten Dunst, and Brad Pitt; while Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kristy Swanson, and Wesley Snipes combined efforts to put their kind to an end.  For a while it seemed like the slayers would put a stake through the heart of this fad with a musical episode or two, but the star power of the vampires won out.

Fought The Good Fight Against Vampire-Kind

Gellar: Fought The Good Fight Against Vampire-Kind

Won The War

Dunst, Pitt, Cruise: Won The War, Did An Interview About It

As we speak there are at least three vampire vehicles out there lurking in the night.  They move fast, they air late and before you know it, the public gets bitten and  thirsts for even more. We here at Trendliest recommend you hop on this trend quickly, because in as short a time as it takes for the next sunrise, Vampire-chic could crumble to dust. So gel up that widow’s peak, sharpen those teeth, and load some songs from The Cure onto your iPod — because being a vampire doesn’t suck, unless you want it to.

November 13, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Literature, Television | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fascinasian

Greetings Trendly nation! Do you like animation? Do you like bizarre game shows? How about laughing at people who are different than you because they say things with an accent and don’t necessarily have a rudimentary understanding of your language? Well, then making light of Japanese culture is certainly a friendly trend that you can get on board with.

Yes, Americans have been enjoying Japanese culture since an unknown wall street banker enjoyed his first rolls of Sushi after an all night cocaine binge back in 1982. Prior to that, the only things about Japan Americans celebrated had something to do with a giant mushroom cloud or their fancy new CD player. Since then, major multi-national corporations and people all over the United States have caught on to the fact that Japanese people are amusing and that exploiting their culture is a relatively harmless practice.

Disembodied Japanese Heads Rank High On The Fun-o-meter

Companies like Six Flags with their “more flags more fun” ad campaign, The Food Network and FOX with their adaptations of Japanese game shows have done a wonderful job of co-opting the fun things about Japanese culture, such as their penchant for utilizing the appeal of shouting, disembodied heads; zapping all of the personality out of them by using them for monetary gain even though their quirkiness and excitability doesn’t necessarily translate into the culture of the particular country they inhabit.

Pikachu: “Collect Me, I Love You”

There have been a few cases, such as Pokemon and Nintendo, where Japanese culture has been translated successfully into American culture. However, both of those instances were undertaken with the guidance of Japanese businesses with the aim of exploiting the American population for their own commercial gain and VIP seating at Karaoke bars…which is not trendly. The last time America let that happen was with Belgians and the cartoon lovingly known as “The Smurfs” and we all know where that led.

The Smurfs’ Success Caused Irreparable Van Dammage

Things can only be friendly and trendly if we here in the United States co-opt other people’s culture. That way no one gets hurt and we can continue to be our blissfully ignorant selves, which the last time we checked has always been trendly.

July 10, 2008 Posted by | Advertising, Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Japan, Television, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment