The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Hurricane You

Hey there trend-chasers! Have you been driving your beat up Dodge truck chasing the latest weather trends only to stumble on an unfriendly tornado that lacks the common decency to introduce itself before it destroys your house and parks your ATV in a tree on the other side of town? The nerve! We here at Trendliest recommend you drop that zero and get with this hero: Hurricanes! Because the latest friendly weather trend is forking over the cash so that you can name these super storms.

Naming Hurricanes is a rather recent phenomenon. After the success of the Star Registry’s efforts to charge people to name stars in the sky, The National Weather service decided that they could net a huge profit and charge a much heftier amount to attach monikers to these fierce forces of nature, based solely on the fact that there are only on average fifteen or so a season and that people would pay top dollar for the publicity it afforded the storm’s namesake. As they say, there’s no such thing as bad publicity (unless of course you happen to be a Nazi). So in 1970 the National Weather Service sold the naming rights of the first Hurricane to Yoko Ono, which has subsequently been blamed for the breakup of The Beatles, and to a lesser extent The Captain and Tennille.

Hurricane Yoko Ono In Action

Ever since it’s been totally trendly to attach your name to a violent storm in the hopes that it will increase awareness of particular projects-like forcing band breakups or telling your ex that you got engaged. Unfortunately, this is mostly a crapshoot, because not all tropical storms can be hurricanes. Such was the case with one of the biggest publicity failures that occurred when the “I Can Read Books” company ponied up big loot to name one of 1978’s storms “Amelia” in order to promote it’s children’s release Amelia Bedelia Helps Out. Well as the story goes, Tropical Storm Amelia only lasted two days and made minimal headlines. The book release was subsequently pushed back to 1979. Conversely, 2005’s Hurricane Rita was a devastating Category 5 Hurricane that made headlines nationwide, but could do little in the way of reviving Comedienne Rita Rudner’s career.

The Book At The Heart of The First Huge Hurricane Publicity Failure

There have been plenty of successful pairings such as 2004’s Hurricane Charley which caused Flowers For Algernon to re-enter the required reading list for many a junior high curriculum in the mid-Atlantic states and lest we not forget Hurricane Gloria, which dramatically drove up record sales for Laura Branigan’s 1982 single of the same name, albeit in 1985.

Whether or not you’re trying to drum up publicity for a presidential campaign or you simply want to see your name on the cover of a national newspaper that reads “(Your Name) Leaves Death and Destruction in it’s Wake”, you can rest assured that putting your name on a hurricane is the friendly and trendy way to get people talking about (your name here).

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July 24, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Methods | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

TV on The Radio

Greetings trendspiring actors and actresses! Have you had a major role on a made-for-TV movie, feature film, or perhaps just sat in the first row during a taping of “The Maury Povich show”? If you said yes, you’re probably all ready a huge or dim, flickering star. Well, now that you’ve shown your chops and had the chance to shine on the big screen, small screen, or as part of a live studio audience, isn’t about time you made the next logical leap in worldwide media domination?

Of course it is! And once you’ve gotten your fill of beautifying the world visually with your “acting”, there’s no trendlier move to cement your celebrity status than by adding some sweet, sweet music to your already impressive entertainment resume by releasing an album of mediocre to bad, upbeat pop songs.

Most people are unaware that being a media double threat is as old as the moving picture itself. Fred Ott, the star of Thomas Edison’s famous 1880’s short film of a man sneezing, parlayed his fame and recognition into a long and fruitful musical career as banjoist and lead vocalist for Booger Freddy and The Sneezers- Menlo Park, NJs premiere Bluegrass outfit and winner of seven Grammy awards.

Freddy of Freddy and The Sneezers in Action

While Freddy may have been the first to achieve such a feat, he left ample footprints for many on screen celebrities to follow in. In the 1950’s people like Doris Day and Frank Sinatra transitioned seamlessly back and forth between film and music, much like Will Smith does today. Perhaps the biggest success of the era was King Kong siren and scream queen Fay Wray who put out an entire 78 of shrieks that served as a musical precursor to punk rock.

Punk Pioneer Fay Wray

Today there’s an entirely new era of TV talent clamoring for record industry success. Super talents like Don Johnson, Heidi Montag, Hayden Panetierre, Lindsay Lohan, and Hillary Duff often leave their careers as superstars of the “Boobs tube” to pursue the secondary drama club dream of using space-aged “Studio Magic” and a talented slew of European songwriters to dutifully perform innocuous, meaningless songs in front of scores of shrieking teen fans who in the following years will wonder what they were thinking.

Ms. Montag: Scary/Talented

Either way, these stars will have made a boatload of money…and really what’s trendlier than earning heaps of money by exploiting kids who have yet to form personalities and don’t know any better than to buy your music because they envy you for no apparent reason…and then using that money to have three breast augmentation surgeries.

July 17, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Film, Music, Television | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Fascinasian

Greetings Trendly nation! Do you like animation? Do you like bizarre game shows? How about laughing at people who are different than you because they say things with an accent and don’t necessarily have a rudimentary understanding of your language? Well, then making light of Japanese culture is certainly a friendly trend that you can get on board with.

Yes, Americans have been enjoying Japanese culture since an unknown wall street banker enjoyed his first rolls of Sushi after an all night cocaine binge back in 1982. Prior to that, the only things about Japan Americans celebrated had something to do with a giant mushroom cloud or their fancy new CD player. Since then, major multi-national corporations and people all over the United States have caught on to the fact that Japanese people are amusing and that exploiting their culture is a relatively harmless practice.

Disembodied Japanese Heads Rank High On The Fun-o-meter

Companies like Six Flags with their “more flags more fun” ad campaign, The Food Network and FOX with their adaptations of Japanese game shows have done a wonderful job of co-opting the fun things about Japanese culture, such as their penchant for utilizing the appeal of shouting, disembodied heads; zapping all of the personality out of them by using them for monetary gain even though their quirkiness and excitability doesn’t necessarily translate into the culture of the particular country they inhabit.

Pikachu: “Collect Me, I Love You”

There have been a few cases, such as Pokemon and Nintendo, where Japanese culture has been translated successfully into American culture. However, both of those instances were undertaken with the guidance of Japanese businesses with the aim of exploiting the American population for their own commercial gain and VIP seating at Karaoke bars…which is not trendly. The last time America let that happen was with Belgians and the cartoon lovingly known as “The Smurfs” and we all know where that led.

The Smurfs’ Success Caused Irreparable Van Dammage

Things can only be friendly and trendly if we here in the United States co-opt other people’s culture. That way no one gets hurt and we can continue to be our blissfully ignorant selves, which the last time we checked has always been trendly.

July 10, 2008 Posted by | Advertising, Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Japan, Television, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Stamp of Approval

Hey trend-collectors, Are you looking for a new hobby you can really STICK to without it costing you an arm and a leg? Well, you can cross out gun collecting since a mistake might actually cost you a few brain and skull fragments; baseball cards are right out of the question because of the potential for nasty paper cuts. If you really want an activity that gives you the official trendliest STAMP of approval, why not take up philately…or in layman’s terms: Stamp Collecting!

A Hunka, Hunka Burning Postal Love

Being a successful stamp collector can be a rewarding, yet difficult undertaking. You have many friends in your quest to acquire as many stamps as possible. However, there is no greater ally or enemy than the post office. The post office can be both a source of delight and dastardly doom. Not only does this national “by land, sea, or air, in sickness and health, in good times and bad, ’til death do us part” letter couriering behemoth have the ability to aid you in acquiring stamps by issuing rare images of Fat Elvis on postal currency, but on the flipside they may also ask, nay demand you use that cherished Fat Elvis image should you feel the need to pay your bills or tell your friend working at the General Mills Cereal Factory in Battle Creek, Michigan that you miss them in a lengthy four paged soul confession.While the post office can certainly giveth and taketh away, they can also giveth again if other stamp enthusiasts should happen to feel compelled to use the post office to show you about their latest rare stamp finds by including them as postage.

Food Stamps: Now Available in Scratch ‘n’ Sniff!

However, if the romance of the relatively archaic institution of snail mail doesn’t seem to pique your interest in the hobby, there are other ways of collecting stamps. For those who’d like to go out and see the world you can pursue a hobby of collecting passport stamps in lands as distant as Peru or Persia. Or if you’re more of a homebody, you can avoid all of that travelling and effort by being gainfully unemployed and and sitting at home watching “The Maury Povich Show”, while collecting food stamps. While the latter isn’t necessarily adventurous it’s certainly friendly and trendy in that it allows you to find out once in for all whether or not all of those contestants are lying about being a certain baby’s daddy.

July 7, 2008 Posted by | hobbies, Travel | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Need To Hear Some Great Music, We’ve Got You Covered


Hey Trend-sistor radios, are you looking to take in the hottest ticket in town? Well, that STP reunion show isn’t for another three months and no other quality bands have made it to town around since that time Limp Bizkit stopped in on their Chocolate Starfish and The Hot Dog Flavored Water Tour. Where’s a brother to catch some trendly tunes?

Relax rock and roll children, close your eyes and open your mind, because with Cover Bands -the latest friendly trend in music- you can relive those glory days when Fred Durst and company blew through your town and left plenty of ringing eardrums with little trace of melody in their wake.

Inspired Many A Teen To Play Music By Bands Other Than His Own

Cover bands more or less exist in every single town in the world with electricity, as a way for music fans to enjoy their favorite songs played marginally well in a live setting when they know that there’s no way in hell that their favorite band will ever stop by their craphole town. They are referred to as cover bands due to the fact their sole income comes from the money they make from the cover charge at the door of the establishment at which they are providing the rock ‘n’ roll music.

Male teenagers typically form a cover band around the time they realize that skanky women get turned on watching ugly, awkward dudes play guitar on songs that rock hard. Some of the more popular bands to cover include Metallica and Led Zeppelin, but the 90’s grunge craze gave young males the chance play somewhat more sensitive music, which in turn attracted a whole new breed of less skanky, somewhat more attractive females. These groups will frequently refer to themselves as “tribute bands” due to the misconception that if Lars Ulrich of Metallica was to ever see them play, he’d be truly honored that they took the time to learn his drum parts.

Ulrich: “The Only Thing I Hates More Than Napster is Cover Bands”

The sheer amount of cover bands is directly tied to the teen population of a particular town’s likelihood to make something of themselves. For example: Tallahassee, Florida has a much higher concentration of cover bands than, say, the affluent suburbs of Chicago, Illinois (which includes, unironically, a higher concentration of “Chicago” cover bands). However, on those nights when bands like Barracuda : A Heart Tribute Band and Thunderstruck: An AC/DC Tribute Band take the stage, they’re the biggest rock stars that town has ever seen. And really what’s trendlier than being a big fish in a small pond, dropping the rock and making a few ripples

July 2, 2008 Posted by | Entertainment, Music | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Two Thumbs Up for Criticism

Hey Trendlophiliacs! We know you’re probably oozing trendliness from your arteries and veins with little hope of it ever clotting, but that’s probably a good thing. Everyone on your block probably knows how trendly you are by now so when you talk, they’ll listen. That’s sure to come in handy with our next trendly career, being a film critic.

Sergei Eisenstein: An Early Target for Film Criticism and Monkey Feces

The earliest form of film criticism came courtesy of Pogo The Monkey when he attended a screening of Eisenstein’s Battleship Potemkin back in 1925. After watching the film journalists asked Pogo what he thought of the film and Pogo raised three out of his ten fingers and then proceeded to fling his feces in the director’s general direction. Everyone took this to mean Pogo was none too impressed by Eisenstein’s pioneering use of montage. The monkey confirmed his feelings about the film by stating “my cousin Zippy could do a better job directing a snuff flick.” Pogo’s caustic sensationalism was quickly rewarded by the Chicago Daily Courier, who rewarded the chimp with his very own film and entertainment column. His ten finger rating system quickly became the norm for all film criticism and often his quotes were taken out of context and used on film posters. The most famous of these incidents was on the poster for The Wizard of Oz which read, “The Wizard of Oz Is A Landmark Piece…” when the actual line from the monkey’s review said “The Wizard of Oz Is A Landmark Piece of Crap.” As a critic Pogo became so famous that a comic book called “The Critic” was written about him. That comic book was later turned into an animated TV show starring Jon Lovitz, which was widely panned and had an abbreviated run on FOX.

Jay Sherman: The Human Cartoon Manifestation of Pogo The Monkey

By the 1960’s filmgoers grew tired of the monkey’s constant negativity. Two burgeoning film critics took this as their cue, effectively harnessing man’s evolutionary progress by utilizing opposable thumbs to their advantage. Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel recognized the confusion caused by rating a film on a scale from one to ten, so they simplified it by giving movies either a “thumbs up” or “thumbs down”. Movie fans favored the ease of this kind of ratings system over Pogo’s increasingly scathing reviews. While Pogo may have died alone and penniless in the zoo never having had the fortune of seeing James Cameron’s Titanic, the practice of film criticism lives on today, thanks to his efforts.

Two Thumbs Up For Evolution!

Plenty of people who like the idea of spending all of their time in dark rooms staring at a large screens, making lists, criticizing celebrities and seeing their name in print for overstating how good the film Juno was, have taken up the cause of film criticism. People like Richard Corliss of Time Magazine and Ron Brewington of Urban Radio Network have made it their life’s work to have their names in print, lauding Tom Cruise films or imposing their opinions on a public eager to have someone tell them what’s good. Yes, If you like the idea of millions of people’s viewing habits resting whether or not you have an opinion and opposable thumbs then being a film critic (or maybe a fascist dictator) is for you.

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Careers, Celebrities, Entertainment, Film, Television | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

Hello tried and true Trendliest fans. Have you recently grown a little weary of something in your life that you consider to be the least bit aesthetically undesirable? Maybe you’re still wearing a beehive hairdo (that’s so last year) or the bedroom you sleep in doesn’t look quite enough like the grandstand court at the All England Lawn Tennis Club even though it’s your dream to participate in Wimbledon. Well, we here at Trendliest think it’s time to do something nice for yourself and treat your hair and perhaps the other unsatisfactory areas of your life to the friendliest trend around- a makeover.

This Could Be Your Bedroom

This Could Be Your Bedroom

Prior to the advent of television, the idea of changing something about yourself or “making it over” was an idea only associated with escaped convicts. People who got new hairstyles or attitudes were usually arrested and sent back to jail on suspicion of wrongdoing alone. All of this changed thanks to “Sonny and Cher”, who first achieved popularity as a lovable variety-show hosting singing couple, but got career makeovers when Cher morphed into a sailor-banging Academy Award-Winning drag queen and gay icon and Sonny learned how to ski.

Cher & Sonny Pre Makeover Post Citizen's Arrest

Sonny & Cher Pre-Makeover, Post Citizen’s Arrest

One of Cher’s Many Fabulous Makeovers

Many artists followed Sonny and Cher’s example, none so successfully as Madonna who experimented with countless looks and morphed from a younger 20 something-ish dancing whore/sexual icon into an older 50-ish wrinkled dancing whore/sexual icon.

Because of Madonna and Cher’s drastic makeovers in the public eye, television executives thought that making over inanimate objects such as wardrobes, bathrooms, and straight men could be equally as appealing to audiences of popular culture. As a result, the Bravo network was founded and producers immediately got to work on making over everything in sight, starting of course with their offices, which had wallpaper that was a horrible shade of mauve that just had to go.

A Color Swatch of Bravo's Office Wallpaper

A Color Swatch of Bravo’s Office Wallpaper

Nowadays if you want to make over anything all you need is a gay friend, a camera crew and Ty Pennington. Luckily for us, we managed to wrangle all three of those things together yesterday, and now Trendliest has a whole new look. We hope you enjoy our makeover…we think it’s a most friendly and trendy site for formerly sore eyes.

June 26, 2008 Posted by | Careers, Celebrities, Entertainment, Fashion, image, interior decoration, Methods, Music, self-help, Television, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Zoo York City

Hello you trendly party animals! We here at the Trendliest know that you’re absolutely exhausted from your Memorial day weekend festivities. In fact, we’ve decided that from now on it’s probably best you leave the horsing around to the horses, zebras, and unicorns. However, if you do feel the inclination to live vicariously through animals that know how to get down, there’s no trendlier place to visit than the Zoo.“Where’d This Fence Thing Come From?”


Yes, ever since land developers began putting up fences and accidentally blocking rare animals from escaping from small expanses close to their homes, zoos have been a hot spot for both family and adult entertainment alike, as well as serving as a valuable learning environment for the potentially criminally inclined. Zoos not only provide bestiality enthusiasts an ideal environment for getting off on watching caged helpless arthropods yearn for freedom from the insides of their relatively miniature enclosures, they also provides parents with an ideal setting to teach their mischievous children valuable lessons about the harsh realities of incarceration by showing them an entire family of tigers living in an expanse one thousandth the size of their natural habitat.

A Dejected Family of Tigers After Their latest Escape Plot is Thwarted

However, there’s more to Zoos than their ability to exhibit the repressive powers of fences; many visitors also get the invaluable experience of observing artificial environments undisturbed by their animal inhabitants who prefer to sleep in their man made caves away from the crowds. Imagine the thrill of being able to view a rock formation where a Kodiak bear will decide to sit once the zoo closes and the spectators have left.

While some animals shy away from the parental paparazzi eager to teach their children of the wonders of nature, others relish the limelight displaying their knack for frequent defecation and sexual desire. Monkeys are particularly adept at both, pairing them with their athletic penchant for projecting the results of both activities towards a fascinated crowd.

And they got…it…on

Yes trendly boys and girls, the zoo provides potential visitors with plenty of activity beyond their wildest expectations…and it sure beats sitting at home on your couch and watching that BBC Planet Earth show. After all, the trendliest way to experience nature is being right there in the thick of it.

May 27, 2008 Posted by | family entertainment, Leisure | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Twice (or three or four times) As Nice


Hey film fans, are you still mad at the makers of No Country For Old Men for not telling you how the rest of Tommy Lee Jones’ character’s life ends up at the end the movie? We certainly feel your pain. The fact is, no movie is complete until you find out what happens with the rest of everyone in the film’s life or without one of those sequences at the end where a few lines of text tell you what all of the characters did with the rest of their lives. However, there’s a reason a lot filmmakers don’t include those important tidbits of information just before the closing credits. Why is that you ask? Well, put quite simply, they smell sequel. Yes ladies and gentleman, sequels are a friendly and trendy way to allow film goers to keep track of their favorite characters over the years while filmmakers reap the continuing critical acclaim.

Star Wars…Otherwise Known As The Holy Sextilogy

While plenty of sequels score big at the box office, most sequels are noted for being lauded by the press despite being virtually unseen at the theater. It’s often thought that the quality of a series improves with each successive film. The shining example of this is the Star Wars Sextilogy. The majority of that franchise’s fans will heartily agree that films four, five and six are the best of the bunch.

The first sequel to raise a big box office stink despite being hailed by Time Magazine’s Richard Corliss as “The Best Movie I’ve Ever Seen” was 1942’s Casablanca 2: Play It Again. That trend was followed dutifully by masterpieces such as Missing in Action 2: The Beginning and Driving Miss Daisy 2: Tokyo Drift. While both failed to cover production expenses, the former featured an Oscar®-nominated turn by Chuck Norris as Colonel James J. Braddock, whereas the latter took home a best director nod for McG.

“I’m Tryin’ To Drift You To The Sto’ “

This summer sequels are all the rage. With the recent release of sequels like Rocky Balboa, Rambo, Over the Top II, and Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skulls, film fans and critics alike are being shepherded to multiplexes to catch all of the exciting potentially award-winning fanfare. Tantamount Pictures has even decided to capitalize on this friendly trend with the release of the first sequel without an original film, Explosive Intimidation II, featuring the return of Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme. However, don’t expect these films to rake in the dough. Film isn’t about making money, it’s about making art…and seeing as making art is a totally pretentious practice, we hereby deem the art of the sequel trendlier than ever.

May 22, 2008 Posted by | Art, Entertainment | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

No TV, No Problem!

Hello my darling trend-tellectuals, did you catch last night’s episode of Women’s Murder Club? If we know you, you probably missed it because you you were reading Nietzsche or even attending a cocktail party because you’re obviously too trendy for school. However, if you really wanted to knock our socks off with your reason for missing television’s #1 exclusively female crime dramedy, you’d hand us the holy grail of trendly excuses which is you don’t even own a television.

The Women’s Murder Club is too busy solving murders to own a TV

The trend of “not owning a television” has been around since the dawn of “The Television Era” in 1939. Back then television was an exclusive pleasure that only the upper class got to enjoy. Many of the poor masses missed out on vital moments in entertainment history such as Zippy The Wonder Dog’s Triple Flip sponsored by Parliament Cigarettes and Milton Berle’s twenty- eight minute soliloquy on the length of his penis, brought to you by Maxwell House.

Berle: “Seriously…It’s That Long Folks”

However, as time wore on television became more affordable for the working class and it was a badge of honor to be able to provide one for one’s family. By the 1970’s nearly every working class family wore that badge and the television became yet another rather commonplace household item. The Boob Tube (because you could totally see boobs on it) also played a large role in increasing the knowledge base of people all over the world with educational shows like “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom” and “The Adventures of Starsky & Hutch brought to you by the new 1971 Ford Torino”. This era was known as the Golden Age of Television, and it lasted nearly 28 years until 1998.

It was around this time that Stephen slapped Irene on the “MTV’s Real World Seattle” because Irene had accused Stephen of being gay. After this point most true intellectuals became greatly disillusioned with the world of television. A good amount of them decided to rid themselves of what they deemed the “idiot box” then and there, while most of them held on for a few more years hoping shows like “That’s So Raven” and “Elimidate Deluxe” could satisfy their need for intelligent entertainment.

A Product of The Stephen Irene Fallout

Nowadays, anyone who wants to prove both their trendliness and intelligence absolutely, positively does not possess a TV. They spend most of their time frequenting bakeries, telling other people they don’t own a TV, and reading PerezHilton.com…And if they want to know what happened on last week’s Women’s Murder Club, all they have to do is watch it on ABC.com.

May 21, 2008 Posted by | Television | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments