Greetings you fabulously famished fashionistas. Are you tired of being turned aside at the trendiest of trattorias because your last season on Celebrity Fit Club didn’t rate high enough? Well, we feel your outrage. We’re not going to let some high and mighty Maitre’d stop us from indulging in some fine dining and neither should you. While you might have trouble getting seated at The Spotted Pig, munching at Mr. Chow, or sliding through the drive-thru at the In-N-Out Burger, that doesn’t mean you can’t still dine in style. Those who hunger for haute cuisine fly by the inseam of their pants by choosing to wine and dine where food and wings lift your heavenly dinner up where it belongs. The latest friendly trendy spot to scarf down some hearty slop doesn’t require you to leave your name at the door, but you will need a ticket and possibly a passport. Yes the hottest thing in going out to dinner, is going up, up, and away to finely dine on a big ol’ jet airline.
You Could Dine Above Cloud 9
Connoisseurs of all things culinary have been coming in droves to their local airports, often flying standby for flights as far as Fiji and as nearby as New Orleans to snack on Southwest Airlines or enjoy a lunch entree on Lufthansa. It seems people don’t care where they’re going, as long as they get the chance to savor the flavor of some serious grub. Airlines have long been serving some of the most choice cuisine around. Most have not changed their menus or their supplier since the 1960’s, but while those menus remain remarkably static, so has that same great taste.
Since the price of gas has dropped dramatically diners all over the world are footing the bill of sometimes up to $3000 a pop to enjoy incredible edibles as they float above the cumulo-nimbus or remain pleasantly adrift on the Hudson River, often booking one way tickets to war-torn nations to enjoy delicious delicacies such as American Airlines’ “Is That Pizza?” option or Continental’s confounding”Chickenfish” which is both/neither chicken nor fish.
Is That Pizza? You Bet It Might Be
The good news is, in addition to the entree’ each meal is accompanied by a sliver of iceberg lettuce and some indeterminable type of mystery dessert to satisfy at least three of the daily food group requirements. If that’s not enough many jetsetting goody gobblers are lucky enough to get two meals for the price of one provided their flight lasts more than 18 hours…and there’s plenty of opportunity for free alcoholic beverages in between as attentive flight attendants are there to cater to your every booze-fueled fantasy, provided they’re not too engrossed in gossip about their first-class co-workers to scare up that mini-bottle of chardonnay.
Chardonnay on Your Way To Montego Bay?
Even though sharing a tender piece of chicken in some sort of sauce with your significant other while exchanging annoyed glances with the guy in 27A who seems to be trying to hide the fact that he’s farting every five minutes may be accompanied by occasional turbulence, it still beats being behind Ben Affleck at Babbo or watching Kelly Clarkson canoodle at Koi. Who knows, pretty soon you may be flying alongside LL Cool J, enjoying a luscious Lasagna on your way to London in a friendly, trendy airborne bistro.
Have you been sitting on the toilet for the last two years hoping that one day you’d gather the will to finally leave your overbearing boyfriend and maybe flush the toilet and have the strength left over to light a courtesy match? Or maybe you’re firmly fixed to your couch hoping to muster that last bit of brawn it takes to reach your remote so that you can switch the channel from The View to something more stimulating like The Maury Povich.
While we admire your desire to do something more productive, we here at The Trendliest are also aware that it takes energy to fulfill those desperate desires. So to help you out of your predicament, we’re going to fill you in on the latest friendly trend that just might give you the wherewithal to scratch those eternal or most temporary of itches…Energy Drinks.
Sure there are plenty of drinks that might give you a gradual boost like orange juice or lighter fluid…but the down side to those drinks is that none of them taste good with alcohol or are suitable for the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle.
Apparently Gives You Wings If Mixed With Just The Right Amount of Vodka
In fact, first Energy drinks were invented by rock stars and rappers who needed something stronger than Mountain Dew, but less expensive than their cocaine habit, that they could be seen drinking in public without arousing suspicion of being mixed with either Vodka or Hennessey as they were being followed by probation officers. The more outlandish they acted, the more they could claim that these “energy drinks” made them totally high on life even though they were totally just compensating for the effects of the alcoholic beverage that Nikki Sixx had just mainlined and vomited into their Red Bull.
Too Fast For Love…Thanks To Energy Drinks
Energy drinks aren’t just for musicians anymore. Starlets fresh out of rehab cling to beverages like Crunk Juice and ENERGYINYOURFACE!™ in the hopes that it’ll serve as a suitable alternative for that sweet, sweet crack rock. Even elderly folks using wheelchairs can be seen taking large sips of SuperHYPEBuzz!™ in order to hold on to the false hope that they’ll miraculously be able to fit in a game of half-court one on one before they eventually keel over and die.
Currently there are more than 624 energy drinks on the market from Crunk Juice to Liquid Meth (now made with actual ammonia)™ and as long as there are celebrities and drug addicts on probation or designated drivers in need of some sort of stimulant placebo they’ll remain the trendliest beverages around.
Hey there trend following superstars, it’s your friendly trendy neighborhood Trendinista, here to tell you what’s hip and maybe even what’s hop. First of all, it’s hip to substitute the word “hop” whenever you want to say “hip”. That’s lesson one, but for lesson two we drop the P and replace it with a T to talk about something that’s literally and figuratively “hot.” I’m not talking about hell or your stove, or even the third season of Melrose Place. I’m talking about a wonderful beverage called Tea.
Drinking Tea has been “in” long before Ellen Degeneres was “out”. Rumor has it, it was developed by Chinese Asians sometime before Jesus. It’s been around almost as long as that other trendly drink, water. However, Tea doubles it’s trendliness with the simple fact that you need water to make it. How convenient!
Tea has taken a bit of a hit since the 80’s due to a conspiracy between Juan Valdez and Starbucks, who were responsible for that horribly addictive coffee beverage that makes your tummy hurt and keeps you up all night. While we don’t know who would want that over a deliciously soothing beverage with infinite flavors, we’d like to thank the Queen of England and Moby for bringing this hop hot beverage back with a vengeance.
p.s. For a special treat, try putting ice in your Tea!
Hey Trendinistas, remember when being dumb was cool? Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were getting their retardation on all over the television. Dumb and Dumberer was the #3 Grossing movie in the world and everyone was asking “Who Let The Dogs Out?” instead of realizing it was their own fault for bringing the dog to the dog run and leaving the gate open in the first place.
Well times have changed and being smart is in again, with shows like “Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?” and “Wife Swap” really challenging viewers. Glaceau, the makers of Vitamin Water, have upped the ante realizing that people are too smart to pay $3 for a gimmicky bunch of colored water with vitamins in it. Smart people are into being healthy and feeling smart. They don’t need the appeal of added flavor to draw them in, plus what’s healthier than the tasteless wonder that is water. I mean, hello, ZERO CALORIES! So what better way to capitalize on the trend of people being smart and liking water than with Smartwater.
The folks at Glaceau got the best water around by flying up to the clouds and bottling the vapor to bring you “purity you can taste” and “hydration you can feel”. This water has ions and electrolytes, words that we here at The Trendliest certainly consider to be “Trendly” (That’s friendly and trendy) to you the consumer. So we here at “The Trendliest” recommend that if you fancy being smart, healthy and trendy, go down to your local store and buy as much SmartWater as you can. You’ll be much better off for it, but don’t take my word for it…take Jennifer Aniston’s. She’s featured on their Billboard in the trendliest place of all…Times Square.
Cost $1.75/bottle on the avg.