The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Get Your Feet Wet

Greetings to the many fish in the trendly sea! Are you looking to get your feet wet, but would like to avoid the inevitable discomfort presented by the change of trying something new? Well the latest friendly trend in footwear won’t make you feel comfortable when you walk a mile in someone’s else’s shoes, but if you don’t like swimming because you have a crippling fear of getting any type of liquid all over your precious paws, perhaps you should try taking a swim in your socks. Not just any pair of knee high knits will shelter your instep from a high seas soaking, you’re going to need to slide into a pair of aqua socks.

Aqua socks were originally invented for Navy Seals (1990), when famous Hollywood actor Charlie Sheen’s contract rider demanded a special kind of shoe be created so that the Wall Street star’s toes wouldn’t get all prune-ish during the filming of water scenes. Once the on set military consult saw how well the shoes worked in terms of keeping digits dry and being less noisy than a pair of boots that tended to clip-clop making sneaking up on opponents impossible; he urged that the US government manufacture the fancy footwear for a special military issue.

Where It All Began

Where It All Began

After making their mark in military invasions of Canada, Panama, and Iraq; Aquasocks became all the rage. Brands like Speedo and Nike began churning out their own versions in their factories in Sri Lanka and Burma so that rich kids in summer camp could show off their ornate waterfront footwear and laugh at their less fortunate peers who could only afford flip flops.

Poor Children Too Ashamed To Show Their Faces

Poor Children Too Ashamed To Show Their Faces

Aqua socks went out of production for a long while as the companies that produced them were too busy moving their factories to places where they could get children who demanded less pay to produce them. Also, their small hands were perfect for reaching in between clogged, razor-sharp gears. However, with the start of the Iraq War in 2003, the NAVY Seals were back in action and in need of some sleek water wear. Just like that they were being massed produced once again, and thanks to the popularity of the war at home all of the kids have started slipping them on yet again…and if the kids are wearing them yet again, they must be friendly, trendy, and patriotic.

Advertisements

September 4, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Fashion, Government | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Accidental Terrorist

Odds are if you’re checking out this here site you’re on the hunt for something utterly friendly and trendy. You may also be wondering if there are trends you might have the good fortune to discover on your own. It would be easy for us to say no so that you might continue being absolutely dependant on us for finding out just what in the world is hop and hot, but the truth is there are some hot new fads you can stumble upon all by your self…the latest of which is being accidentally and irresponsibly labeled a “terrorist.”

While being accidentally labeled a terrorist goes as far back as the 1996 Olympics when Richard Jewell “bombed” a perfectly good Olympic venue all in the name of drawing the attention away from the fact that a Bulgarian, not an American participant captured three gold medals in weighlifting…the resurgence in the trend can be credited to the heinous attacks of September 11th. Since the government’s irresponsible handling of the events leading to an actual terrorist attack, they’ve stepped up efforts to compensate for the fact that they’re not doing enough for homeland security by making sure all bars have Toby Keith albums on their jukebox. Additionaly, the government has made efforts to raise public paranoia levels with the “if you see a brown person doing something, say something” slogan and their special hotline for reporting talkative cab drivers.

Rachael Ray Threatens Freedom With A Dynamite Coolatta

However, it’s not only poor brown people who’ve had the fortune of participating in this latest trend; Celebrities are also at the forefront of this fad. America’s Sweetest Pitchperson Rachael Ray was sent to Abu Ghraib after dressing up like Yasser Arafat in a Dunkin’ Donuts ad where she was then subject to the trendly practice of waterboarding. Even Presidential frontrunner Barack Obama and his wife aren’t immune to trendliness. The two were placed under heavy scrutiny after engaging in the “Al Qaeda Fist Bump” after a lively speech about overthrowing the current Republican regime.

The Friction from Said Fist Bump Usually Creates Explosions of Epic Proportions

Don’t be trend-orists…If the two most popular people in the greatest nation in the world are getting their accidental terrorism on…what are you waiting for? Shouldn’t you be arousing suspicion by leaving a suspicious package on the train that just so happens to look like your pocket book or maybe letting your oven burner run a bit before lighting a match to create a huge gas explosion in your house? Either of those would be da bomb, and totally trendly ways to arouse suspicion that you are in fact a terrorist.

July 9, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Government, Methods, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

War and What It’s Good For


Hey there Trendinistas, it’s your favorite oral surgeon Dr. Trendberg here to give you 10cc’s of TrendicilTM STAT! We here at The Trendliest feel it’s our God-given duty to inform you, Joe and Janette Public, of what’s hot, happening and hottt. Today we’re featuring what’s sure to be the hot-button topic (Editor’s Note: Not to be confused with Hot Topic) at your local office’s water cooler: WAR!

Yes, that’s right. It seems like you can’t go anywhere these days without bumping into a war of sorts. On the subway car, a rider accidentally jostles another passenger and before you know it someone is shouting, “Please, for the love of God, put down the surface-to-air missile!” Meanwhile, in the town library, an ill-tempered youth tests a nuclear warhead in the Young Adult section.

Yes, war is most definitely trendly. Since its humble beginnings in the early-to-mid 1400s war has been the most effective communication tool ever to be developed by high-functioning organisms. Though wars have been downplayed and received little to no media attention in recent times, our great barbaric pastime is seeing a bountiful resurgence with today’s trend-setting youth. Thanks to the Internet chat rooms, history textbooks and to a lesser extent, the water cooler; war stories and stories of war are being delivered by old timers to a hungry audience yearning for the days of yore. So, the next time you’re walking down a crowded street and you bump another person, don’t say “sorry” like a hippie (hippies are so 80’s) – respond with your fists in the air at the ready for some serious pummeling…provided of course, you have the support of Congress, the trendliest government body of them all.

April 1, 2008 Posted by | Current Events, Electronics, Government, Nostalgia, Technology | , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Can Handle The Truth!

Hey Trend fans, it’s your favorite friendly neighborhood trendsetter, back again to tell you everything you’ve been dying to know about what’s so now. If you’ve been watching the news lately, you’ll know that one of the hot button topics is waterboarding. Never mind what waterboarding is, all you have to know is that it’s a hot button topic and what are hot button topics if not a mixture of friendly and trendy. The other important things you need to know about waterboarding are that it’s a great way to find out secrets and the government says it doesn’t qualify as torture.

Ladies is your best friend holding out on how that date last night went? Are you sure she went all the way but she’s refusing to kiss and tell? That slut! Sure you’ve got your connections and could always ask around or look for that diary you know she keeps, but why not go straight to the horses mouth and get answers by using a method condoned by the U.S. Government! After your friend gives up the goods, that time you waterboarded her is sure to be a hot button topic between the two of you, and as we discussed before, hot button topics are trendly!

March 21, 2008 Posted by | Current Events, Government, Methods | , , , | 1 Comment