The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Have The Conversation

Greetings Trendly Tweeters and Facebook status flirts. Do you spend the majority of your day tethered to an electronic device not designed to give you sexual pleasure?Are you fully up to speed on the whereabouts and goings on of all of the seven hundred people in your online network yet draw a blank every time you try to imagine what their voice sounds like?  And when it comes to your own voice do you have trouble remembering whether it’s  more nasal, manly, or just somewhere in between?  If you said yes to all of those it’s time to clear the cobwebs in your throat and get familiar with a trend that, well, used to be really popular a year or two ago…the trend of actual conversation.

People Are Talking...Talking 'Bout People

People Are Talking...Talking 'Bout People

Yes ladies and trend-tleman the oral adventure that is human communication has taken many forms since the lord created man on the seventh day and then planted evolutionary clues to convince scientists their whims had the slightest merit.  Early man used grunts and hisses to impart such important notions as “please pass the salt” and “I’m going to go hit that pig over the head many times with a club so that we can have it for dinner and then rape that female.” While we were on track to develop a complex language based on those hisses and grunts for quite awhile, the almighty himself deferred communicative ease for a few years after an unsatisfactory architecture experiment at Babel.  This failed “tower” project not only made conversation impossible but it allowed for the worldwide spread of mankind and development of different linguistic characteristics to the point where we needed a phrasebook to figure out what people like Dennis Miller and the French were talking about.

Tower of Babel: Responsible for Linguistic Leanings of French People and Dennis Miller

Tower of Babel: Responsible for Linguistic Leanings of French People and Dennis Miller

Thanks to the advent of technology and the imperialistic notions of such nations as Great Britain, The United States of America and Finland, there is now an “international language” that doesn’t involve sexual favors for the exchange of spices.   That language is “innovation” and that innovation usually comes with an English instruction manual and now includes visual aides typed via computer.  While mankind has fought so hard to bring themselves closer together, many technological advances have provided the ruse of progress due to the fact that while we think sharing links of kitty videos over the Internet is uniting us, we will never actually get to see the people who we are sharing those videos with naked and in person.

May Actually Get To See Each Other Naked In Person

May Actually Get To See Each Other Naked In Person

However, thanks to the potential re-embrace of the idea of actual conversation people are talking, talking about people, and not only that, those very same people are now starting to remember that face to face interaction and chronic halitosis is a lot more desirable than chronic carpal tunnel syndrome and blurred vision.  So that’s why we here at Trendliest are urging you to put down that Twitter, head down to the local pub and buy yourself something bitter and talk it out with some of your best buds instead of typing it.  Give those vocal chords the workout they’ve been begging for.

May 15, 2009 Posted by | Language, Social Trends, Technology | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Swear To $#%$*

hand-on-bibleWitnesses for the trend-secution, do you SWEAR to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you blog?  You do?  Good, now place your hand on a copy of the Bible, Torah, Koran, Bhagavad Gita, or The Secret and say that all again because with all the swearing you’re going to be doing it’s going to be necessary to carry the Holy Book of your choice at all times seeing as Swearing is the hottest and friendliest trend currently sweeping the nation.

The verb “to swear” has had a short and rather glorious history.  It was derived from the surname of Charles F. Swayer, a teacher in 19th Century Britain.  Swayer was not a very good teacher due to the fact that he was not well-versed in virtually anything factual.  Often times whilst giving a lesson his students would mumble the word “bollocks” under their collective breath and sometimes out loud.  This incensed the educator and he demanded that whenever a student uttered such heinous word they pay a one shilling penalty by placing a coin on a designated plate on his desk.  This “Swayer plate” was a huge failure due to the fact that when one student would come up to place a shilling on the plate, they’d inevitably take another one back.

The Americanized "Swayer" Jar

The Americanized "Swayer" Jar

It was for this sole reason that Swayer was moved to invent the “jar”.  By having his students put their coins in a round, covered receptacle with a slit for change on top, his class could less obviously reimburse themselves with the shillings of others.  Not only did this invention revolutionize the teaching field, but went on to influence parenting as adults everywhere caught on to the Swayer Jar.  However, when the practice crossed the Atlantic and was adapted by Americans soon after, the name somehow was turned into the Swear Jar and the actual word that was once just a surname was perverted to mean multiple things, ranging from a promise to an expletive.

President Barack Obama Swears On National Television

President Barack Obama Swears On National Television

While the act of swearing has been long frowned upon by jar-wielding parents across the nation, ever since Barack Obama was sworn in as America’s 44th President, it’s more or less become an epidemic.  Everyone including Secretary of State Hillary Clinton,  dock workers in Detroit, Christian Bale on the set of Terminator 4, engaged couples in Des Moines,  expert witnesses in double murder trials, and Dane Cook have been uttering a variety of magical words  including “I do”, “I will”, and seven words we can’t say on this blog even though we’re not exactly policed by the FCC.  Whether we can say them or not, doesn’t make them any less trendly.  We promise.

February 3, 2009 Posted by | Education, Language | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Can’t Spell Funettickly Without Fun or Tickly

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble Witches of Trendwick! Are you experiencing difficulty casting spells because the words on the page don’t look like the words you’re trying to say? Well, language can be a very tricky thing, and while you may know exactly what you’re trying to say, sometimes spelling it out can be a hassle. That is until now, because the latest friendly and trendy movement in language is to spell things phonetically.

That’s right, it’s time to throw all of those spelling rules you learned in grade school out the door and replace them with the spelling roolz yu lurnd in greyd skool. Thanks to a growing moovment mor and mor inglish speekurs are replaysing the tradishonal spellings of wurdz with onez that look more like the wurdz they’re trying 2 say, compleetly ignoring the fact that most wurdz are mayd up of rootz that help peepul figger out what thoze wurdz meen.

Aaron Spelling: TV Catfight and Phonetic Spelling Pioneer

The funetticks moovment was startid by late teevee honcho Aaron Spelling, who was frekwintly jokingly asked by his frendz too spell thingz for them. Fed up by peepul allwayz assooming he was as good as a dikshunnairy becaws of his last naym, Spelling began duhmanding scriptz for his hit shows yoos ownlee funetticks. This methud beecaym such a big hit with his yung acturz, many of hoom were unedjucated and didint know the diffrents anyway. When shows like “Dynasty” and “Beverly Hills 90210” cawt on with yooth awdiences, menny of the yung stars wood go 2 skools and preech abowt the valyoo of litterassy. Offen times menny of the mutteerials they yoosed too suppliment theyr tawk contaynd heeps of miss spellingz, but sinz Linda Evans, Ian Ziering and Gabrielle Carteris wurr more famous than Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary in most hy skools, the kidz gravuhtaydid towurdz the noo spellingz and thus spelling funettickly cawt on.

A Nu Generayshun of Funettick Spellurz

A Nu Generayshun of Funettick Spellurz

When 90210 went off the air in 2000 there were not many young stars touring the high school circuit teaching the value of a good education. With English teachers back at the helm, the importance of word origins and roots re-emerged, turning the National Spelling Bee into a premiere sporting event on par with the Super Bowl. They even made a documentary on it. However, with the announcement of the spinoff show touting Spelling’s fayvuhrit zip coad, spelling funettickly is wuntz more in vowg with tha kidz…and when the kidz are down with sumthing, it makes it mor frendly and trendy than ever.

August 26, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Language, Television | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Opposites Attract

Hey Untrendly Haters, What’s down? We here at Trendliest hope you’re having the positively dreadful day that you don’t deserve. Say you readers seem to be a little confused. We’re not accusing you of disliking our site or saying we hope your life is awful (or aren’t we?), but if that’s what you took from the first sentence, you obviously haven’t caught up to the latest conversational trend…declaring opposite day.

Marie Antoinette Choosing Her Words Carefully…But Not Carefully Enough

Opposite day is when you don’t mean anything you say, but rather the exact opposite. It was first utilized by Marie Antoinette during the French Revolution as “le jour contraire”, when she uttered the famous words “let them eat cake” referring to the peasant class. Unaware that the peasant class had no knowledge of the new aristocratic practice they were insulted by the Queen’s ignorance to their plight. That being said, the intended sentiment of “Let them eat feces” probably would have resulted in a much more swift death via guillotine.

Herbert Hoover: Staunch Proponent of Opposite Day

The practice of Le Jour Contraire traveled overseas in time for the 1928 Presidential Election when Herbert Hoover declared that every American family would have “a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage,” after which he was heard uttering sinisterly to a campaign staffer, “I hate opposite day..ha…ha”. Again, unaware of what day it was, the country bought Hoover’s message of hope, hook, line, and sinker. Nearly a year later the country was mired in the Great Depression or as Hoover referred to it in other prominent addresses to a struggling nation, “The Wee Excitement.” Nearly Fifty years later Ronald Reagan famously invoked opposite day rules yet again when speaking of “trickle-down economics.”

Unbeknownst To Half Of This Crowd…They Were Rooting For The Same Person

Until recently, the mystery of Opposite Day was hidden in the Presidential Book of Secrets, though a few fellow politicians that happened to be members of The Skulls starring Joshua Jackson, shared the clandestine code with fellow fraternity members who in trying to lessen the organization’s iron clad grip on their lives leaked it’s practice to the proletariat and elementary school children. The trend spread so fast throughout the country without the proper rules for it’s use being disseminated. This situation came to a head during the 2000 Presidential election when the majority of voters were unaware that they were voting on an opposite day (with opposite side of the street parking rules in effect) and stamped their ballots for Al Gore accidentally handing over the reins of the position of most powerful office in the world to George W. Bush. Luckily, Mr. Bush ended up being the right man for the job, leading the United States and the world to eight years of peace and prosperity…and really there’s nothing more trendly than peace, prosperity and continued economic gain…well, except for opposite day.

June 23, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Language, Methods, Social Trends | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Abbrevs are Totally O.O.C.!


With all the craziness that’s going on in the world, who has time to write complete sentences? Why writing that last thought took up a whole 14 seconds of my precious time. Even complete phrases are so LY or 5ma depending on who you ST. Thankz to AOLIM and txt msging everyone’s getting the hang of speaking in abbrevs. Even ur mom is using the abbrevs. That’s why we here at the trndlst are throwing our support behind this most useful of trends. Besides, if you find yourself still speaking in complete sentences in 5 years, you’re going to be a TL, that’s total loser to us trendly folks.

If reading this post took too long here’s the abbrev’d 120 letter version.

WATCTGOITW, WHTTWCS? WWTLTTUAW14SOMPT. ECPASLYO5MADOWYST. TTAOLIMNTM, EGTHOSIA. EURMIUTA. TWWHATTATTOSBTMUOT. B, IYFYSSICSI5Y, YGTBATL, TTLTUTF.

November 21, 2007 Posted by | Language | , , | Leave a comment