The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

The Trendliest 2008 Holiday Gift Guide

shoppingAttention Trendly shoppers! There’s only 22 shopping days left until Christmas.  That’s 525 hours you can spend watching TV in preparation for three hours of high-octane, full-contact shopping. After all, we wouldn’t want you to miss those marathons of “Law And Order: Missing Puppy Unit” and “House M.D.” you’ve been so eagerly awaiting.  So with such little time left to tackle the task of finding that special something for those special someones, what’s a friendly, trendy person such as yourself to do?

Well, you could buy heaps of magazines and read their ‘Top 10 Things You Can’t Afford But Should Buy Your Loved One Anyway” lists, though that could certainly put a hurting on your cash flow, which is a big no-no when you consider how en vogue it is to be a cheapskate this season. So to help stay more in touch with the times, we here at Trendliest have come up with our own friendly, trendy list of the hottest gifts of the giving season.

So without any further ado, The Trendliest 2008 Holiday Gift Guide:

FOR THE KIDS

MatchesForKids

MatchesPrometheus was an adult when he discovered fire, allow your children the magic of this scorcher of a present before they know how to handle it responsibly.  Who said growing up fast isn’t trendly?

TickleMeChuckyTickle Me Chucky– Everyone else will be making a mad dash for Tickle Me Elmo. Differentiate yourself by getting that little tyke a Tickle Me Chucky.  Your child tickles…Chucky stabs. It’s a win-win situation or potentially painful lesson.

285snickers020607Snickers– It satisfies you. If your kids aren’t satisfied with that, well then they’re just ungrateful.

Horror Make UpHorror Make Up Kit– Every time you scar them emotionally, they’ll be able to show it physically.

FOR HIM

leopard print underwear

Leopard Print Underwear– Because Every man secretly wants his penis to move with cat-like agility.

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The Diff’rent Strokes DVD Collection– What you talkin’ bout Santa?

Peanut Butter Machine

The Peanut Butter Machine– Next time you catch him getting Peanut Butter licked off his genitalia by the dog, you can take comfort in knowing that at least it’s homemade and not that store bought processed Peter Pan junk.

FOR HER

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Leopard Print Underwear-Because every woman secretly wants her breasts to move with cat-like agility.

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Ankle Jewelry–  All women like ankle jewelry. Why not give her something that no one gets to see most of the time and tells you when she’s drunk?  It’ll be your little secret.

hes_just_not_that_into_you

“He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo– Tell her how much you care.  She’ll laugh about this later.

FOR THE ELDERLY

complaintComplaint Box and Forms– Old people are very vocal and love to complain, but yelling about things makes them tired.  The Complaint Box allows them to voice as many opinions as they want without using their actual voice.  And you can get around to dealing with them whenever.

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Binoculars– They’re going to need them to watch over you when they’re in heaven.

Well there you have it deal-getters and trendsetters, Trendliest’s list of must-haves this holiday season.  What are you waiting for?  Get out there and keep that economy afloat…or if you have to wait until Dr. House figures out what’s wrong with his current patient and improbably saves her life at the last possible second, then by all means take your time.  Just remember, Christmas is December 25th and Hannukah is…well who knows when that is?  Remember it’s always better to buy trendly than to leave with a cart that’s empty.  Happy sales to you…and try not to run over anyone.

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December 3, 2008 Posted by | Commerce, Economy, Gifts, Holiday | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Take Three

Greetings toilers of the trendletariat. Are you tired of the traditional grind of the five day work week, spending all of that time on the assembly line or reading Gawker at your desk just waiting for the clock to strike 5pm on Friday? Well, what if we told you those days are soon to be a thing of the past because of the latest friendly trend and occupational craze the three-day weekend.

Preparations for Pagan Festival of Human Flesh

The three day weekend has a long and storied tradition beginning with the Pilgrims of the Plymouth Colony who once took Thursday through Saturday off to have a great big feast known as “Thanksgiving” with the local Native American tribe so that they might fatten them up for their eventual slaughter and ingestion at the Pagan “Festival of Human Flesh.”  While the latter festival is long forgotten, we still celebrate Thanksgiving every year by taking a long weekend so that both the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions can play football.

The Original Three-Day Weekend Warriors

Cowboys and Lions: The Original Three-Day Weekend Warriors

According to a survey done at the Work Institute of America (W.I.A) based on thirty one hours of research or conversations at the watercooler and over Instant Messager at their very own office; most employees only do nine hours of actual work per week. They also found that no matter how many days the work week consisted of, the nine hours of work per week remained constant and that the majority of work days are spent either killing time leading up to lunch, killing time getting ready to go home, reading the newspaper in the bathroom or looking for a new job where they make more money but work less of the time.

In an effort to curb the latter, employees have begun removing Friday or Monday as part of the work schedule in order to eliminate annoying discussions about hump day in the elevator and to a lesser extent increase productivity on other days of the week.

Data Gathering In Action

W.I.A: Data Gathering In Action

The study itself was prompted by an actual four day weekend over Thanksgiving in 2002 when employees at Bear Stearns on Wall Street, despite only working Monday through Wednesday the previous week, had no extra work to do when they returned the following Monday, yet marveled at all of the extra time they had to take a quick trip to Vegas, get shitfaced, gamble, and go to strip clubs or as some of them called it “spending time with their family”. And really what’s more friendly and trendy than spending time with the people you love…doing the things you love.

August 28, 2008 Posted by | Holiday, Leisure, Methods, Religion, Sports, Travel | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment