The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Do The Vampire!


Greetings Trendsferatus! Do you have a genuine thirst for blood and opulence even though you’re not an ambulance chasing lawyer?  Do you long to suck the life out of trends until they’re pale, lacking plasma and destined to live forever? If this sounds like you, then you’re already well on your way to taking part in the latest friendly trend, being a vampire.

Seems like you can’t consume any media these days without crossing paths with these creatures of the night.  Whether you’re watching children’s television in the morning, trying to see Anna Paquin get naked on HBO in prime time or even reading an erotic teen novel before bedtime, the antics of these bloodthirsty beasts have taken over our culture with their Eastern European accents and general disdain for reflections.

Vlad The Impaler

Vlad The Impaler

Despite the current frenzy being caused by these hemoglobin-hunting horrors, the proliferation of the ‘pire is nothing new; Bram Stoker’s Dracula was the very first documented fictional vampire dating back to the 1800’s.  In actuality, his character was based on 15th Century Romanian Royal, Vlad The Impaler, who was infamous for accidentally drawing blood while fellating male houseguests. Stoker‘s publishers were so horrified by the original draft depicting his homosexual hero that they insisted the author change the main character from a princely Transylvanian with a penchant for counting to ten and a knack for mangling man-parts into a Gary Oldman-ish, saber-toothed seductor draining dames of their plasma and platelets.

Bram Stoker's Fictionalized Depiction of The Romanian Stallion

Bram Stoker's Fictionalized Depiction Of The Romanian Stallion

This printed legend of Dracula has allowed the Vampire fad to live on for centuries.  It’s biggest obstacle was presented in the 1990’s as the pop culture world became a veritable battleground for these mythical monsters.  Anne Rice was writing multiple novels about handsome bloodsuckers as vehicles for Tom Cruise, Kirsten Dunst, and Brad Pitt; while Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kristy Swanson, and Wesley Snipes combined efforts to put their kind to an end.  For a while it seemed like the slayers would put a stake through the heart of this fad with a musical episode or two, but the star power of the vampires won out.

Fought The Good Fight Against Vampire-Kind

Gellar: Fought The Good Fight Against Vampire-Kind

Won The War

Dunst, Pitt, Cruise: Won The War, Did An Interview About It

As we speak there are at least three vampire vehicles out there lurking in the night.  They move fast, they air late and before you know it, the public gets bitten and  thirsts for even more. We here at Trendliest recommend you hop on this trend quickly, because in as short a time as it takes for the next sunrise, Vampire-chic could crumble to dust. So gel up that widow’s peak, sharpen those teeth, and load some songs from The Cure onto your iPod — because being a vampire doesn’t suck, unless you want it to.

November 13, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Literature, Television | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Books Are So Last Year

Hello trendliest fans. Do you love reading but hate all of the distraction created by the radioactive glow of the Internet and the overall length of books? Is The Da Vinci Code too complex for a delicate mind such as your own that would rather be indulging in important matters such as finding out which sexy starlet prefers dating normal guys and what the best ways are to tell if your man is cheating? Maybe you’d even like to read lists alerting you to all the up and coming travel destinations, Strokes albums or STD’s that are going to be cool in the coming year? Well, if all of this sounds appealing to you, maybe we can interest you in the friendliest literary trend to hit the shelves since road maps….the magazine.

Silas Marner by George Eliot killed more people than The Scabies Epidemic

Magazines have been around ever since the 1880’s when most human beings were illiterate. To most of the illiterati, reading a lengthy book such as Watership Down, The Joy of Sex, or Silas Marner was equated with death, because it took so long to sound the words out. Most people only read one book in their lifetime. The publishing industry swiftly responded by releasing Life Magazine which mostly consisted of pretty pictures of nature and people dying while not reading. This remedied the death sentence which was the practice of reading anything by Steinbeck.

It took a long time for the magazine industry to flourish as there was much disease and strife on the industrialized landscape. The only interest most people had was “life” since it was so precious and fleeting, they didn’t have time to focus on their “House & Garden” or even “Juggs”. For a brief spell in the 1940’s “War” and “Japanese Internment Monthly” were a big hit on the periodical front with a great deal of Americans, but “Life” was still the most popular focus of the widespread masses.

Some Magazines Have No Target Audience

With Post-WWII prosperity, the magazine industry really took off. People finally had the money to focus on other interests like themselves, model trains, fields, streams, and mercenary work. Nowadays, with scores of technological advances the choices of hobbies and the magazines that reflect them are infinite. Why there are nearly 70 magazines about staying “In Touch” with what our favorite “Entertainment” stars are up to “weekly” and nearly as many that serve the sole purpose of allowing teen girls to relay embarrassing stories of getting their period. So what are your interests? No matter what you’re into, whether you like Lizards or Country Rock there’s probably a magazine you can pick up to read all about it in short bursts, because reading a book about those would most certainly take up way too much time. And as we all know…we need that time to live, because life will always be trendly, provided there are plenty of pictures.

June 10, 2008 Posted by | Literature | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment