The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

In The Bush

Greetings creatures of the fashionable flesh.  Are you often met with vacant stares when you remove your pants to feel the air down there? Are you the type of person who who enjoys baring more than your soul while playing nine holes? Do you long to visit a tropical paradise where the wind blows through the palm trees and your undercarriage?  And finally, are you a high school principle or retired haberdasher with a front-butt and revolting genitalia who would feel more secure if everyone knew what you were packing all of the time?  Well, why didn’t you say so?  You’re qualified to hit up the friendly trendy new hot spots that are sprouting up almost as often as your freshly shorn pubic hair.  We’re not talking about locker rooms, but the friendliest and trendiest new form of communal living…Nudist Colonies.

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Nudist colonies have been existence since the earliest man couldn’t figure out how to skin a fern, but since then civilization has forsaken all forms of open air, be it warm or cold in order to hide their sexy parts from each other in order to lamely maintain an air of mystery about themselves.  However, as time has worn on and films as diverse as Debbie Does Dallas and Aladdin have dropped the double entendre in favor of straight up entendre…human beings have more and more often been getting down to the nitty gritty by basically spending the majority of their waking hours trying to see each other naked. The advent of nudist colonies came as a direct result of this basic human desire to undress one another.

Aladdin, The Film That Inspired Thousands of Good Teenaged Girls To Take Off Their Clothes

Aladdin, The Film That Inspired Thousands of Good Teenaged Girls To Take Off Their Clothes

Nudist Colonies are usually located in areas distant from population centers due to the fact that most inhabitants have been shunned by those same group of human beings that have no desire to see certain  disrobe and wish they’d all just hide in the woods out of plain sight with their pubic forestry blending in with the actual forestry.  However, amongst their accepted equals these nudists maintain that the human body is a beautiful an not at all awkward thing that should be embraced whether one is fishing, eating, or just plain singing karaoke.

Whatever Happened To Macy Gray? Well, She's Performing Karaoke Versions of Her Own Songs at Nudist Colonies.  But, Of Course!

Whatever Happened To Macy Gray? Well, She's Performing Karaoke Versions of Her Own Songs at Nudist Colonies. But, Of Course!

While most of these flesh farms consist largely of bare elders, there is a growing youth movement. The younger population in these environments tend to be very well educated and absolutely fearless on account of the fact that they never have that recurring nightmare when they’re standing naked at the front of the classroom. And in our estimation the proliferation of a confident youth class is most decidedly trendly.

Confident Nude Youths Engaged In A Game of Touch Rugby

Confident Nude Youths Engaged In A Game of Touch Rugby

Some may think the best part of joining a Nudist Colony is the sense of community, the buffet or the regular games of badminton; we here at Trendliest beg to differ.  The most appealing part of being a Nudist is getting to see boobs.  Any time there are boobs on  display no matter how saggy or perky, it will always be considered friendly or trendly.

April 2, 2009 Posted by | Culture, family entertainment, self-help, Sexuality, Social Trends, Travel | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Trendliness In Action: O(bama) Canada!

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Hi ho trusty explorers of the newest trendtiers.  Time and time again we here at Trendliest get proof of just how in touch (weekly) we are with the latest and greatest the world has to offer.  Today we received one ever-glowing affirmation of our hipness.  As you may recall last week we trumpeted the excellence of the bastard child of Britain, the Great White North if you will (and you will), otherwise known as Canada.  Well, it seems our shouts from the tops of Mount Logan have not fallen upon deaf ears.  They actually managed to send a piercing sound to the gargantuan antennae of the 44th President of the United States, one Barack Hussein Obama, who declared today that his premier foreign excursion as President will be up north to Canadia.

Canadian Prime Minister Wayne Gretzky

Canadian Prime Minister Wayne Gretzky

So what will President Obama do once he gets to Ottawa?  Odds are he’ll meet with Prime Minister Wayne Gretzky and hold a summit on importing their superior system of healthcare, though we can’t say for sure as his agenda is currently top secret.  That’s all for now, stay tuned for more Trendliness in Action.

January 29, 2009 Posted by | Health, Politics, Travel, Trendliness In Action | 2 Comments

Pie In The Sky

Greetings you fabulously famished fashionistas.  Are you tired of being turned aside at the trendiest of trattorias because your last season on Celebrity Fit Club didn’t rate high enough?  Well, we feel your outrage.  We’re not going to let some high and mighty Maitre’d stop us from indulging in some fine dining and neither should you.  While you might have trouble getting seated at The Spotted Pig, munching at Mr. Chow, or sliding through the drive-thru at the  In-N-Out Burger, that doesn’t mean you can’t still dine in style. Those who hunger for haute cuisine fly by the inseam of their pants by choosing to wine and dine where food and wings lift your heavenly dinner up where it belongs.  The latest friendly trendy spot to scarf down some hearty slop doesn’t require you to leave your name at the door, but you will need a ticket and possibly a passport. Yes the hottest thing in going out to dinner, is going up, up, and away to finely dine on a big ol’ jet airline.

You Could Dine Above Cloud 9

You Could Dine Above Cloud 9

Connoisseurs of all things culinary have been coming in droves to their local airports, often flying standby for flights as far as Fiji and as nearby as New Orleans to snack on Southwest Airlines or enjoy a lunch entree on Lufthansa.  It seems people don’t care where they’re going, as long as they get the chance to savor the flavor of some serious grub.  Airlines have long been serving some of the most choice cuisine around.  Most have not changed their menus or their supplier since the 1960’s, but while those menus remain remarkably static, so has that same great taste.

Since the price of gas has dropped dramatically diners all over the world are footing the bill of sometimes up to $3000 a pop to enjoy incredible edibles as they float above the cumulo-nimbus or remain pleasantly adrift on the Hudson River, often booking one way tickets to war-torn nations to enjoy delicious delicacies such as American Airlines’ “Is That Pizza?” option or Continental’s confounding”Chickenfish” which is both/neither chicken nor fish.

Is That Pizza? You Bet It Might Be

Is That Pizza? You Bet It Might Be

The good news is, in addition to the entree’ each meal is accompanied by a sliver of iceberg lettuce and some indeterminable type of mystery dessert to satisfy at least three of the daily food group requirements.  If  that’s not enough many jetsetting goody gobblers are lucky enough to get two meals for the price of one provided their flight lasts more than 18 hours…and there’s plenty of opportunity for free alcoholic beverages in between as attentive flight attendants are there to cater to your every booze-fueled fantasy, provided they’re not too engrossed in gossip about their first-class co-workers to scare up that mini-bottle of chardonnay.

Chardonnay on Your Way To Montego Bay?

Chardonnay on Your Way To Montego Bay?

Even though sharing a tender piece of chicken in some sort of sauce with your significant other while exchanging annoyed glances with the guy in 27A who seems to be trying to hide the fact that he’s farting every five minutes may be accompanied by occasional turbulence, it still beats being behind Ben Affleck at Babbo or watching Kelly Clarkson canoodle at Koi.  Who knows, pretty soon you may be flying alongside LL Cool J, enjoying a luscious Lasagna on your way to London in a friendly, trendy airborne bistro.

January 29, 2009 Posted by | Food, Travel | Leave a comment

Eh, Canada?

Greetings fellow members of the all-powerful Trenderati.  It’s 2009 and Trendliest has returned from it’s lengthy travel hiatus with a sunny new outlook on what will be friendly and trendy for the year ahead.  Having just trotted halfway around the globe, it’s only natural that our first find of ’09 is this year’s destination du jour.  While the eyes of the world seem focused on the glow emanating from the United States of America thanks to the inauguration of their first President that won’t be using bronzer, travelers might feel the need to avert their eyes in order to see what the  next friendly trendy hotspot on the horizon is.

Provided they’ve tilted their gaze in the right direction, they’ll come face to face with the nanooks of the Great White North.   Having received scant spotlight as the land of the free and the home of the Quebecois, we here at Trendliest think it’s about time Canada got it’s  destinationly due.

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Canada is much more than Britain’s frigid, nearly uninhabitable, non-resistant consolation prize for colonization.  It’s the only actual area in the world where Queen Elizabeth II still  holds sway over any important government issue.  Despite, not actually being in charge of itself,  the Great White North has plenty going for it, with a plethora for activities and culture for tourists to sink their heels into provided the ice isn’t too thin.

The Icy Beaches of Canadia

The Icy Beaches of Canadia

Not only does North America’s  other other country bear responsibility as the birthplace of such rich cultural concepts as Curling, Celine Dion , and confusion; but they also play host with the most to a variety of cities with funny names.  Once inside the borders one can get hearty laughs by posing in front of signs for cities like Bamff, Guelph, and Saskatoon.  If one so chooses they might enter one of those cities and take in a hockey match or perch themselves on a street corner to watch the ever popular All Canada Constant Dogsled 500 Race pass through town for a fleeting moment.

Curling, Yet Another of Canada's Confusing National Pastimes

Curling, Yet Another of Canada's Confusing National Pastimes

While many of the world’s destinations have the fear of falling to international terrorism, Canadians are so confident in their safety that Canadian-born Counter-Terrorism expert Kiefer Sutherland and his daughter, Elisha Cuthbert have been outsourced to the United States track down potential threats, while Pamela Anderson uses her special skills to keep tabs on some  “Very Important People” in the Los Angeles area.

With Pamela Anderson Across The Southern Border, Canadians Must Rely on The Ill-Prepared Mounted Police

With Pamela Anderson Across The Southern Border, Canadians Must Rely on The Ill-Prepared Mounted Police

Yes, Canada has it all, safety, curling, and did we mention the 2010 Winter Olympics?  Oh we forgot that one.  In that case, Canada will be a friendly and trendy destination all the way into 2010.  Rejoice, eh?

January 22, 2009 Posted by | Travel | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Hobo Sapiens

Hello trendly investors.  Are you down in the dumps both literally and figuratively due to the recent stock market woes.  Well, stop scrounging around for meal scraps, it’s time you got out of the gutter and lifted yourself up by your bootstraps.  Because you’re going to have to be on your feet in order to catch the gravy train for our next friendly career trend, being a hobo. Ladies and gentlemen fill up your bindles, slip a harmonica into your back pocket and dip your face in the mud, because you’re about to do some hard travellin’… by boxcar.

A Former CEO Readies For The Hobo Revolution With Bindle In Hand

Thanks to the subprime mortgage crisis and the dow’s inevitable drop to zero come christmas time, another great depression is imminent.  So with that in mind, we here at the Trendliest see no better recourse than to get a head start on reliving those glory days when you could buy a prostitute and a meal for a nickel but couldn’t find the nickel to get you that elusive meal and prostitute.

Back in the Depression everyone from average Joes to Hollywood stars such as Rutger Hauer were hopping aboard freight trains sans tickets to traverse the country in search of an honest days work and two scoops of Raisin Bran.  These Hobos as they were called weren’t just normal hardscrabble bums.  Their lives were full of romance, intrigue, and music.  As toothless vagrants, they wandered the countryside taking advantage of the robber baron railroad pioneers lack of caboose security, all the while maintaining a sense of optimism at the expense of oral hygiene.  The hobos weren’t normal homeless that simply begged from the comfort of their cardboard boxes in the comfort of their big cities. They got to visit all types of interesting places like Tulsa, Muskogee, and Cedar Rapids while begging for food.  The hobo was a doer thus a suitable model for those soon to be unemployed rascals rarin’ to find their next pay check, whether they earn it from shovelin’ manure or serving as the assistant of a big entertainment movie writer like Richard Corliss of Time magazine.

Frequent Hobo Employer

Richard Corliss: Frequent Hobo Employer

Yes, if you hop on the trend of being a hobo, soon enough you’ll be able to relate even better to your great parents because you’ll be living just like they did in the olden days.  Who knows, maybe one day you’ll even stumble on that “Big Rock Candy Mountain.”  Hopefully the rock they are talking about is cocaine…and you can sell it so you don’t have to be a hobo anymore.

October 16, 2008 Posted by | Careers, Celebrities, Economy, Money, Travel | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Take Three

Greetings toilers of the trendletariat. Are you tired of the traditional grind of the five day work week, spending all of that time on the assembly line or reading Gawker at your desk just waiting for the clock to strike 5pm on Friday? Well, what if we told you those days are soon to be a thing of the past because of the latest friendly trend and occupational craze the three-day weekend.

Preparations for Pagan Festival of Human Flesh

The three day weekend has a long and storied tradition beginning with the Pilgrims of the Plymouth Colony who once took Thursday through Saturday off to have a great big feast known as “Thanksgiving” with the local Native American tribe so that they might fatten them up for their eventual slaughter and ingestion at the Pagan “Festival of Human Flesh.”  While the latter festival is long forgotten, we still celebrate Thanksgiving every year by taking a long weekend so that both the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions can play football.

The Original Three-Day Weekend Warriors

Cowboys and Lions: The Original Three-Day Weekend Warriors

According to a survey done at the Work Institute of America (W.I.A) based on thirty one hours of research or conversations at the watercooler and over Instant Messager at their very own office; most employees only do nine hours of actual work per week. They also found that no matter how many days the work week consisted of, the nine hours of work per week remained constant and that the majority of work days are spent either killing time leading up to lunch, killing time getting ready to go home, reading the newspaper in the bathroom or looking for a new job where they make more money but work less of the time.

In an effort to curb the latter, employees have begun removing Friday or Monday as part of the work schedule in order to eliminate annoying discussions about hump day in the elevator and to a lesser extent increase productivity on other days of the week.

Data Gathering In Action

W.I.A: Data Gathering In Action

The study itself was prompted by an actual four day weekend over Thanksgiving in 2002 when employees at Bear Stearns on Wall Street, despite only working Monday through Wednesday the previous week, had no extra work to do when they returned the following Monday, yet marveled at all of the extra time they had to take a quick trip to Vegas, get shitfaced, gamble, and go to strip clubs or as some of them called it “spending time with their family”. And really what’s more friendly and trendy than spending time with the people you love…doing the things you love.

August 28, 2008 Posted by | Holiday, Leisure, Methods, Religion, Sports, Travel | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Stamp of Approval

Hey trend-collectors, Are you looking for a new hobby you can really STICK to without it costing you an arm and a leg? Well, you can cross out gun collecting since a mistake might actually cost you a few brain and skull fragments; baseball cards are right out of the question because of the potential for nasty paper cuts. If you really want an activity that gives you the official trendliest STAMP of approval, why not take up philately…or in layman’s terms: Stamp Collecting!

A Hunka, Hunka Burning Postal Love

Being a successful stamp collector can be a rewarding, yet difficult undertaking. You have many friends in your quest to acquire as many stamps as possible. However, there is no greater ally or enemy than the post office. The post office can be both a source of delight and dastardly doom. Not only does this national “by land, sea, or air, in sickness and health, in good times and bad, ’til death do us part” letter couriering behemoth have the ability to aid you in acquiring stamps by issuing rare images of Fat Elvis on postal currency, but on the flipside they may also ask, nay demand you use that cherished Fat Elvis image should you feel the need to pay your bills or tell your friend working at the General Mills Cereal Factory in Battle Creek, Michigan that you miss them in a lengthy four paged soul confession.While the post office can certainly giveth and taketh away, they can also giveth again if other stamp enthusiasts should happen to feel compelled to use the post office to show you about their latest rare stamp finds by including them as postage.

Food Stamps: Now Available in Scratch ‘n’ Sniff!

However, if the romance of the relatively archaic institution of snail mail doesn’t seem to pique your interest in the hobby, there are other ways of collecting stamps. For those who’d like to go out and see the world you can pursue a hobby of collecting passport stamps in lands as distant as Peru or Persia. Or if you’re more of a homebody, you can avoid all of that travelling and effort by being gainfully unemployed and and sitting at home watching “The Maury Povich Show”, while collecting food stamps. While the latter isn’t necessarily adventurous it’s certainly friendly and trendy in that it allows you to find out once in for all whether or not all of those contestants are lying about being a certain baby’s daddy.

July 7, 2008 Posted by | hobbies, Travel | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kick Back, Relax, And Let Yourself Go…On Vacation!

Hello my hard working trend-ployees. Is the daily grind stressing you out? All of those hours you put in playing solitaire on your computer, standing around waiting for fly balls, or tailing Britney Spears as she drives from the gynecologist to Wendy’s to get a good snapshot can really take it’s toll on your sanity. You need a trendly fix to bring that blood pressure from a boil to a simmer and turn that frown upside down. Luckily, you’ve come to the right place because we’re giving you two all expense paid tickets to the latest friendly trend in leisure, going on vacation. All aboard the train to Trendly Island.

Vacationing itself has a long and treasured history. The concept was first outlined in 1983 by the Griswold Family of Illinois as a way for families to potentially kill off an unlikable elderly relative and her annoying dog while spending lengthy amounts of quality time in a cramped space while traversing the roads United States of America . Vacations soon became rites of passage for younger children as it allowed them to discover the danger of marijuana and the thrill of participating in the armed takeover of amusement parks. It even afforded family patriarchs the opportunity to go skinny dipping with attractive blonde models who drove Ferraris…and believe us that was one of the trendlier sticking points that had many families taking to our nation’s highways.

Clark W. Griswold: Vacation Visionary

In 1985, The Griswold Family upped the ante, allowing the folks at documentary film company, National Lampoon, to follow them on their revolutionary trip to the European continent. Before this time, Americans only ever traveled to Europe on business.

Señor Frog’s: Home of The Triple Kiss

While the Griswolds may have blazed trails for a new kind of travel, vacationing has evolved quite a bit since their heyday, allowing for plenty more options than just U.S. road trips and European jaunts. Travelers are now flooded with more choices than they can shake a stick at. Some of the most trendly vacation packages allow travelers the opportunity to romance a ladyboy in Bangkok, triple kiss with twenty something’s at Senor Frogs in Cancun while someone wearing a Girls Gone Wild hat films them, and even lose their life-savings at a $15 dollar black jack table game in Atlantic City.

There’s plenty more vacay alternatives where that came from…and to prove it we here at The Trendliest are taking a little vacation of our own. Where are we going? Why to the trendliest place of all, Hollywood. Jealous? Don’t worry, we’ll say hi to Brad and Jen for you and soak up as much trendliness as we can find. Of course, you’ll be the first ones we share it with when we get back in a week. TTFN.

April 30, 2008 Posted by | Travel | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blimpin’ Ain’t Easy

Hello you Trendly Travelers. Has it been some time you’ve flown the Trendly Skies? Are you turned off by the uncomfortable seating, whining children, Salisbury steak and crackers dinners, and the fact that you won’t be able to see the Grand Canyon because you’re seated on the left side of the aircraft? With all of those distractions, it’s a wonder jet liners carrying foreign soccer teams don’t go careening into mountain ranges more often. If you’re looking for a newer, safer, more trendly way to sit atop Cloud 9, we here at The Trendliest recommend taking to the wild blue yonder with the latest craze in aerial trend-vel, Blimps!

Yes, Blimps have come a long way since their early years. They were originally invented by the jet liner industry for the sole purpose of creating Public Service Announcements (PSA’s) aimed at warning the “eager to fly masses” on the inherent dangers of blimp travel. Most of these PSA’s failed miserably when passengers would take off safely and arrive safely at their destination. Famous archeologists Henry Jones and Henry Jones Jr. even caused quite a stir when they used one of these blimp airships as a forum to handily dispose of a few Nazi henchman who came aboard without tickets, providing Blimps with more unneeded publicity.

Fortunately, all of the jet liner industries efforts to produce a successful PSA came to fruition when a blimp known locally as “The Hindenburg” came crashing down in a fiery heap over the cesspool known as Lakehurst, N.J., causing potential travelers to say, “No thanks” to balloon-centric transportation, while inspiring young white children in the UK to form bands like Led Zeppelin and Rod Stewart.

Thinks Blimps Are Sexy


Despite its sordid history of mostly successful runs…The Blimp industry has come back in a big way! Hundreds of blimps are now glamorously deployed everyday by television production companies to capture static images of crowded parking lots surrounding sporting arenas. Blimps take passengers to exotic and positively trendy locations all over the world such as, above Busch Stadium in St. Louis or high above Jacobs Field in Cleveland.


Oh The Places You’ll Go!

Flying inside a blimp is like flying inside a large version of your living room in the sky, provided your living room doesn’t sporadically burst into flames. It’s your own personal space where you can wander around, sip champagne and watch the game while verbally abusing anyone within earshot. And while flying in the lap of luxury, instead of watching the game on TV, you can watch dots on the ground that look like they might be doing something related to a sport that you might want to watch even though half the time it’s just soccer…And we all know what happens to soccer teams when they fly.

Perhaps the only downside to Blimp Travel is that not many companies offer Blimp rides to the public and therefore Blimpin’ ain’t easy. However it’s this exclusivity that makes Blimp Travel well worth the price of admission. After all, anything this hard to come by must be positively trendly.

April 17, 2008 Posted by | Travel | , , , , | Leave a comment