Greetings citizens of the United States of Trendmerica! How bout those Olympics? Did you enjoy seeing Bode Miller and Lindsey Vonn glide down slopes to victory on tape delay? Did watching Apolo Anton Ohno take out two South Korean skaters to capture bronze give you a good old fashion heart attack of patriotism. Was there a tear streaming down your cheek each time you saw the red, white and blue perched high above that first place podium as the instrumental version of the National Anthem blared proudly above an athlete birthed in the lower 48? Well, you’re not alone. From February 12-28th of 2010 there was no better form of escapism from your lack of employment or health care than taking two and a half weeks to engage in the latest friendly trend known as blind nationalism.
Yes, ladies and trend-tleman while other nations may have stronger economies and a better education system, we Americans took comfort knowing that some guy from Illinois executed a triple lutz better than a guy that comes from a country your children can’t locate on a map; not for any personal glory, but just so people from his own nation would be proud of him.
What’s a triple lutz anyway? Who cares? We Americans can do anything we set our minds to unless it involves Ski Jumping or Curling. USA! USA!
While the Olympics is marketed as the ultimate coming together of nations for or a place for international athletes to totally get it on; the folks at home use it as a rallying point to show their superiority even if they live in a country that limits the rights of their minorities by placing bans on the types of clothing they wear, religious symbols they can erect or simply is responsible for giving the world Nickelback. What better way to lose focus on issues that plague ones nation than to pretend they don’t exist for two and a half weeks because someone can move really fast when there is ice beneath them.
Unfortunately, this friendly trend of completely warranted pride in one’s homeland comes with an expiration date. After the week or so of Olympic medalist talk show appearances, sports fans and people who enjoy seeing the distribution of precious metals to others beneath their flag, have to wait another few years before really feeling good about where they are living or where they were born.
But you know what they say, everything old is new again, and fortunately for our trend-lympians, we know the exact date that blind nationalism will be friendly and trendy yet again. Here’s looking at you London 2012.
Greetings Trendly competitors. With the fall upon us there’s undoubtedly the hint of a chill in the air, and with no Winter Olympics to wrest the attention away from the impending Presidential election this season it’s been quite difficult to get our competitive juices flowing. While the race for the White House is enthralling, it doesn’t get our blood a boiling like curling or that winter biathlon with shooting and cross country skiing. Despite the lack of skin tight clad East Germans luge-ing for gold, there is a new polar pastime that is teetering on the edge of trendliness. That new friendly, trendy, and ultimately shivery sport is none other than snow machine racing.
Thanks to Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s Vice Presidential Candidacy Snow Machine Racing has taken center stage in the wide world of wintry athletics. Her husband Todd, a.k.a The First Dude of Alaska, has earned celebrated world champion status in a variety of cold weather contests. Not only has he won the annual Tesoro Iron Dog Snowmobile Race an impressive four times since 1993, but he’s also won the coveted Snow Machine Triathlon 7 times. The event in which competitors travel 600 miles on their snowmobiles, use a snowblower to clear off a fifty foot-long driveway that’s been blocked in by the local snow plow and then make sno-cones for an entire class of sixth graders is set to be added as a demonstration sport for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.
While the Alaskan first dude is the early favorite for the gold, two years should be plenty of time for you to practice your Snow Machine skills so that you might have a chance to beat him. If you want to get in some quality training time, you should most definitely enter the White House 500 Charity Race to benefit the flagging economy, slated for sometime in February should the McCain-Palin ticket win. Not only will you be able to circle the White House five-hundred times in your snowmobile, but afterwards you get to share a six-pack with the VP, while raising money for a good cause. Now that’s what we call trendly.