The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Turn Your Kids Into Cash!

Greetings potential parentals.  If you’ve got a baby on the way but are a little worried that it’s not your nature to nurture, maybe you should stop asking yourself the question, “how do I take care of my baby?”  and start asking, “How can my baby take care of me?”  Put down that volume of Dr. Spock and make sure your new son or daughter is ready to rock with the latest friendly trend of turning your kids into cash!

Now we here at the Trendliest aren’t condoning selling your newborns onto the black market (just yet).  We’re merely suggesting that you start preparing your child for a successful career early on so they can literally and figuratively stop sucking at your teat before they ever start while chipping in a little towards your monthly rent or mortgage payment that their birth has helped make more difficult to pay.

First off, the road to success starts in the womb and certainly is paved with both placenta and gold.  While your child is developing, don’t underestimate the importance of music.  Play as much meaningless pop as you can so when your child finally pops out he or she will be influenced by the songs of relatively young idols like Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne, appearing at an early age to want to follow their career path.  Once your child is old enough to hum or sing, invoke the Lynne Spears Method of Parenting as laid out in her book, Through The Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World.

Goodbye Dr. Spock, Hello Lynne!

Goodbye Dr. Spock, Hello Lynne!

The most important part of this method is never saying no to your child.  If you’ve done your job correctly so far, your son/daughter will want to be a singer. Cater to all their performance whims and make sure to constantly encourage them in their performance field.  Be sure to purchase a big stereo with a karaoke feature and a top of the line microphone so that they might practice at home for all of their big auditions, it’ll pay for itself. Tell your child they have the most beautiful voice in the world and that they should take singing and dancing lessons and go on auditions so mommy and daddy won’t be poor no more.

As for education, School is a formality when you’re getting your degree in Showbiz.    No matter how unready your child may be, ignoring education will put a fast track to success and a slightly slower track to the mental ward or rehab, but the latter two results are just minor obstacles to maintaining a fabulous career.

This Could Be Your Child!

No Wait...This Could Be Your Child...Much Better

No Wait...This Could Be Your Child...Much Better

If you’ve not succeeded in Ms. Spears method your child might want to be an NFL Place kicker, a fireman or Chief of Police, in which case you should probably start practicing kickoffs, taking your child to the firehouse to practice drills, or just having a gun in the house to hone those respective skills.  After all catering to your childs first whim and encouraging them to be whatever they want to be as long as it has the potential to earn you cash is the trendliest way to parent.

It's Never Too Early To Start Getting Them Ready

It's Never Too Early To Start Getting Them Ready

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October 2, 2008 Posted by | Careers, Education, Family, Methods, Music, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Think Outside The Box!

Greetings all you masters of your own imagination.  Have you recently been trying to flex your creative muscle only to have it slam into the wall of your padded cell upon full extension?  Don’t you think it would be easier to get your inspirational juices flowing away from the confines of a cubicle or cardboard box that you call home?  We do too, that’s why we here at Trendliest are recommending the latest friendly, trendly method in exercising your own ingenuity, thinking outside the box!

If you’ve ever suffered from a wicked case of writer’s block or painter’s brush, you know that the mother of invention doesn’t always let you suck at her teat, no matter how close you hover to her said teat.  While begging and pleading for something to happen sometimes forces brilliance, often times separating yourself from your source of torment – whether it be that one act play on the history of your patellar tendon or that song you’re writing for Avril Lavigne’s soulless new album- can accelerate your impulse to innovate and sometimes it’s just good to get out and smell the fresh air, or if you’re in a city, the cat urine.

The phrase thinking outside the box came about in the early days of civilation when great thinkers such as Socrates and Confucius would give advice to the emperors of their day.  It is a little known fact that both renowned philosophers were not in fact human, but were actually chinchillas.  When a great emperor or empress needed a wise word, he would simply take Socrates, Confucius, Archimedes, or Carl Sagan out of his pet container and propose a great question that called for sage advice.  Since no one ever heard these wise beings give advice while they were inside of their boxes, it was assumed that all of their knowledge was derived from being outside the box.

Modern Domesticated Chinchillas Rarely Hand Out Sage Advice

Modern Domesticated Chinchillas Rarely Hand Out Sage Advice

A Somewhat Ideal Spot for "Thinking Outside The Box"

A Somewhat Ideal Spot for "Thinking Outside The Box"

It is for this very reason today that many conference rooms are built in a non-boxy, circular arrangements to give the illusion of not being in open space by enclosing said space with windows overlooking the wonder that is mother nature, so that even the lowliest of employees might be inspired to come up with an idea that’s positively Chinchillan, allowing company higher-ups to milk their underlings for the friendly and trendy ideas that can be derived from “thinking outside the box”.

September 10, 2008 Posted by | Methods | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment