The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Join The Parade!

Greetings Trendly Fellows and Fellettes!  Do you consider yourself to be a rugged individualist that feels most at home  when gathered with of a large group that shares the same ethnic makeup or sexual orientation as you?   Do you enjoy paying tribute to the stereotypical inklings of your kind by marching down a crowded street or cheering at those who do?  Whether you’re Gay, Irish, a gay Irishman, or just plain thankful that most of the Native Americans have been killed off, the best way to manifest these winning character traits is to indulge in the latest marker of social trendliness, putting your pride on Parade!

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No one knows where the term “Parade” came from, it is thought that it is derived from the ancient magazine “Hit Parader” which Axl Rose dissed in his song “Get In The Ring” on 1991’s Use Your Illusion II album.  Others think it comes from the Latin for “Par” meaning “to march” and “ade” meaning “wearing cutoff denim shorts and rollerblades.”

Not Quite A Full On Par-Ade

Not Quite A Full On Par-Ade

Parades have been in existence since the days of Roman rule when offenders of Roman law would be “Paraded” through streets of Jerusalem on their way to be crucified, so that those being sent to their death would see just how the public felt about them being sent to their death.  Most of the time these criminals were showered with “boos” and large stone projectiles to add insult to their imminent demise.  The chief offender was often held on high upon a moving platform and deemed the “Grand Marshall”.  The Grand Marshall would not only bear the brunt of  the ire of the people, but upon crucifixion had the daunting task of leading his fellow lawbreakers in the singing of “Always Look on The Bright Side of Life.” Failure to do so would result in a swift stabbing.

The most notable of early parade Grand Marshalls was Jesus H. Christ, who it is said, did a pretty dynamite job in getting not only his fellow inmates to sing, but also the crowd of onlookers.  As a result, he has a great deal of people who still follow his teachings that basically say, “You’ll see it’s all a show, keep on laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you…and don’t forget to eat my body and drink my blood too.”

Jesus Bears The Brunt of Being an Early Grand Marshall

Jesus Bears The Brunt of Being an Early Grand Marshall

Modern day parades have evolved quite a bit from the spectacle of savage death-fests of Roman times.  Today they are largely celebratory affairs in which people show off their knack for stereotypical behavior they would normally boycott a movie over if said movie had someone of their heritage acting in a vaguely similar way.  They also happily impede on the personal space of those not interested in their spectacle in a show of sheer, obnoxious joy.  There are many occasions today that are seen as parade-worthy.

A Likeness of St. Patrick Marches Down A Crowded Parade Route

A Likeness of St. Patrick Marches Down A Crowded Parade Route

On St. Patrick’s day Irish people and people who pretend to be Irish- because on this day they’re not considered ‘alcoholics’ – gather together en masse on the streets of any number of cities imbibing green beer so that it might fill them with the liquid courage necessary to clear that city of snakes by urinating in public.  The gay pride parade gives homosexuals the chance to tell the entire city just how much they like civil rights and rainbows, while both the Columbus and Thanksgiving day parades give cause for white americans to taunt the remaining Native American population by annually showing up in greater numbers and pushing them out of the way to get a better view of floats..  No matter how you slice it, parades require the participation of plenty of enthusiastic parties.  And if that many people are excited about something, than it’s almost certainly trendly.

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February 24, 2009 Posted by | Religion, Sexuality, Social Trends | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Support Your Favorite Band…FOREVER!!!


Hey Trendliophiles, What’s that you’re listening to? Perhaps the latest from Terence Trend D’arby? Oh, It’s Radiohead…and they’re still as good as they ever were? What’s that you say, the greatest band in the world? Wow, that’s a big statement, but of course they are. It would be downright untrendly of you not to say so. In fact, supporting your favorite band past their artistic peak no matter how little you presently identify with their current output is so in, as is berating people who disagree with the intangible proof of your viewpoint despite the fact that music appreciation is totally subjective. After all, what’s more friendly and trendy than informing people of what they should think is cool according to your tastes.

That reminds us, have you heard the new Wilson Phillips record? It’s totally going to win a Grammy. They’ve really grown up on this one and I think they used the same producer that worked on Jesus Jones’ second album, so it really takes them into a whole new place sonically.

That being said, we here at the Trendliest have a few albums that we’re totally looking forward to whenever they should happen to come out. The first one on our must have list is Chinese Democracy from the hop hot duo of Axl Rose and KFC-face. If this album is any bit as good as their previous homophobic, misogynistic efforts you can count us in for two copies. We have a feeling that throngs of people already agree, this is the greatest album ever to maybe be in existence.
Our next pick of the musical litter is the latest from Hootie & The Blowfish. We’re not sure when their next album comes out or what it’ll be called, but ever since these soft rockers encouraged us to “Let Her Cry” we’ve been holding back streaming saltwater from our tear ducts in anticipation of the next time an opportunity presents itself for them to extract an equal amount of water weight from us via the magic of music.

Yes, we here at the Trendliest are quite on top of the supporting bands past their artistic peak trend. We’ve seen the Rolling Stones play 16 times since 1998 and had gold circle seating every time! Speaking of which, did anyone get tickets to see Radiohead at All Points West? Word is they might play “Creep”.

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April 10, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Music, Nostalgia | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment