Hey fellow believers in Trendlyism, Have you been good this year? Probably not. If you’re a God-fearing human being odds are your clothes and skin are washed in nothing but Tide and sin. Have no fear (unless it’s a rational fear of God or death) Trendliest is here to tell you how to wipe the sin off the surface of your being and achieve the friendly, trendy state of equilibrium between naughty and nice that can only be attained through atonement.
Despite popular belief, atonement is more than just an Oscar-nominated film starring that transgression-free vixen Keira Knightley. If you’re wondering how the esteemed Brit beauty rid herself of all wrongdoing, the answer is simple. The star of such films as “The Jacket”, and “Domino” frequently engages in the most effective slate-cleansing practice, known as fasting. Other famous fasters include Gandhi and pre-pregnancy Nicole Richie.
Fasting, put simply, is the act of not eating in the hopes that the lord will think you’re a good person because you’ve chosen to deprive yourself of such a simple pleasure in order to fool him/her. Depending on your religion, fasting only works in the riddance of iniquity on several instances throughout the year. If you just so happen to be of the Jewish faith not eating from sundown to sundown on Yom Kippur or “The Day of Atonement” erases all wrongdoing that you’ve engaged in over the past year. So whether you eat meat and dairy together on a Friday or molest children on Wednesday, as long as you don’t eat on this one day you can feel good about yourself again and start anew on this year’s docket of depravity, knowing full well all you have to do is make it to the next “Day of Atonement.”
Some celebrities rife with sin attempt other methods of achieving atonement. Don Henley originally wrote the song “Heart of The Matter” from his 1989 album The End of The Innocence in an attempt to garner favor with his lord and savior during lent. The vocals were peppered with mentions of “atonement”, but Henley’s record label didn’t think the lyrics were catchy enough and replaced that word with the more populous term “forgiveness”. Needless to say, Henley wasn’t forgiven, he rejoined The Eagles and subsequently caused hell to freeze over.
Even though writing a song about atonement seems like a relatively painless way to get off scot-free, not everyone possesses the means to do so. That’s why it’ll always be friendly and trendy to fast in order to achieve the ultimate level of atonement. Your deity will thank you…and so will your guilty conscience.