The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

He’s Got One In The Oven!

Hello my trendly menlies…isn’t life beautiful? What’s that you say? You don’t know because you can’t experience the miracle of giving birth. Well, that’s a shame. For the longest time women were so selfish that they kept the right to give life all to themselves…popping out baby after baby with ease, leaving their men with little to do but to sweep the house, and learn how to breathe so that when their wives were giving birth they could blow in their faces and make funny sounds to add comic relief to the situation as infant upon infant came sliding out.

Famous Feminist Leader P. Diddy

Not only were women in control of the child rearing industry, but since acquiring the right to vote thanks to the efforts of Susan B. Anthony and P. Diddy’s Vote or Die campaign, women have threatened to take over nearly all aspects of society. They’ve more or less trivialized men’s place in society by taking over masculine roles like high school football kicker, sexy nurse and even corporate CEO. Luckily for men, in the past few years these domineering yet reasonable leaders have lessened their hold on society allowing for the installation of a glass ceiling, so that when women find their way to the executive floor, men in middle management still get the pleasure of looking up their skirts.

Despite women ceding some of their previous roles like home maker and sexy nurse over to men, it looked like those feminists would never allow men to participate in the one thing men really long to be apart of…the miracle of life. That is until now. Yes gentlemen, your prayers have been answered with the latest Health trend…Pregmancy.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

No, that’s not a typo…The latest trend in childbirth is men putting one in the oven for nine months. Derived from the latin word pregnancy, which stems from the roots
preggers”, meaning “to have a child within” and “nancy”, meaning having “feminine qualities”…scientists simply replaced the n with an m because it was more aesthetically pleasing in terms of what they were now describing. Hence the term was born.

Inspired by the knowledge gained in documentary films such as Junior, 3 Men and A Baby and Cop and A Half as well as the episode of The Cosby Show when Cliff Huxtable gives birth to a hoagie, scientists have made it possible for men to experience the one thrill greater than watching your favorite speed skater compete in the olympics…birth.

Pudding and Pregmancy Pioneer Cosby

No longer do men have to go to the sperm bank and wait twenty or so years for an awkward knock at the door to experience the joy of having children. This is all made possible by simple procedure in which a man is born a woman and then decides that she identifies more with being a man. Said woMAN then has a sex change, but keeps her ovaries in tact. He is then impregnated by a stork, through hardcore stimulation or by the aforementioned sperm bank by a suitable donor who is both handsome and smart, but mostly in need of cash for sperm.

Pregmancy in Action…ON OPRAH!

However, it is most vital that before the baby is carried full term, said parents must appear on Oprah, so that they can be paraded around on national television like some beautiful freakshow showing how all is right with the world and how a film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger,which until now carried so little meaning paved the way for a social movement. If the latter does not occur, said family and baby is sure to languish in abject obscurity for what might end up being an entire lifetime filled with either hardship and/or happiness. At the end of the full term the man has the delight of squeezing a small being through their sex organ, known as the “mangina” not to be confused with popular european soft drink Orangina, and voila a baby is born, pioneering a new movement in child birth…and as we all know, being the first to do something is most decidedly trendly.

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April 15, 2008 Posted by | Current Events, Health, Methods | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Cure for What Ails You

Hey there trend trackers. Do you have Trend Fever? Well, maybe you should consider checking out or checking up on our latest trendly health helper…doctors! As far back as March of 2008, the only way one could hope to cure seemingly harmless ailments like influenza, herpes or complications from diabetes was through the miracle of prayer. Unfortunately for most human beings, God decided to stop answering their prayers some time between the first genocide and the aforementioned date. Occasionally and quite luckily for a few human beings, Saint Peter would sometimes perform at the level of a second string goalie and allow a few errant prayers to slip through his five-hole known as the pearly gates, leaving his holiness to deal with a semi-constant barrage of heavenly errands. It was because of St. Peter’s inability to deflect these prayer pucks that his/her holiness made a landmark decision, rather than cope with this onslaught of hopes and wishes from his loyal subjects, the Lord decided he/she would delegate some responsibility…and on that day god created “doctors.”

God gave these “doctors” the means to deal with aches, pains, disease and sickness, and to make up for their lack of divinity he endowed them with what is known as a “God Complex”, which was beautifully illustrated by Alec Baldwin’s character in the film Malice. Unfortunately, for the human race, becoming a doctor requires nearly 34 years of education and therefore there are currently no official doctors. The first doctor is set to become eligible to help the public after the Spring semester at Johns Hopkins lets out sometime in May 2019. Until that day, people can see just what these “doctors” may be capable of doing by watching trendy Science Fiction programs such as “E.R.”, “Dr. Who”, “Grey’s Anatomy”, and of course the previously noted film, Malice. Who knows? Maybe by watching some fake doctors, you’ll get some real friendly health tips. How trendly!

April 2, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Health, Religion | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment