Hey Trend-sistor radios, are you looking to take in the hottest ticket in town? Well, that STP reunion show isn’t for another three months and no other quality bands have made it to town around since that time Limp Bizkit stopped in on their Chocolate Starfish and The Hot Dog Flavored Water Tour. Where’s a brother to catch some trendly tunes?
Relax rock and roll children, close your eyes and open your mind, because with Cover Bands -the latest friendly trend in music- you can relive those glory days when Fred Durst and company blew through your town and left plenty of ringing eardrums with little trace of melody in their wake.
Cover bands more or less exist in every single town in the world with electricity, as a way for music fans to enjoy their favorite songs played marginally well in a live setting when they know that there’s no way in hell that their favorite band will ever stop by their craphole town. They are referred to as cover bands due to the fact their sole income comes from the money they make from the cover charge at the door of the establishment at which they are providing the rock ‘n’ roll music.
Male teenagers typically form a cover band around the time they realize that skanky women get turned on watching ugly, awkward dudes play guitar on songs that rock hard. Some of the more popular bands to cover include Metallica and Led Zeppelin, but the 90’s grunge craze gave young males the chance play somewhat more sensitive music, which in turn attracted a whole new breed of less skanky, somewhat more attractive females. These groups will frequently refer to themselves as “tribute bands” due to the misconception that if Lars Ulrich of Metallica was to ever see them play, he’d be truly honored that they took the time to learn his drum parts.
Ulrich: “The Only Thing I Hates More Than Napster is Cover Bands”
The sheer amount of cover bands is directly tied to the teen population of a particular town’s likelihood to make something of themselves. For example: Tallahassee, Florida has a much higher concentration of cover bands than, say, the affluent suburbs of Chicago, Illinois (which includes, unironically, a higher concentration of “Chicago” cover bands). However, on those nights when bands like Barracuda : A Heart Tribute Band and Thunderstruck: An AC/DC Tribute Band take the stage, they’re the biggest rock stars that town has ever seen. And really what’s trendlier than being a big fish in a small pond, dropping the rock and making a few ripples
July 2, 2008 Posted by evankessler | Entertainment, Music | AC/DC, Barracuda, Chicago, Cover Bands, Fred Durst, hard rock, Led Zeppelin, Limp Bizkit, Metallica, Skanky chicks, Tallahassee, Thunderstruck, Tribute Bands | 1 Comment
Are you slacking on your new year’s resolution to be slightly less corpulent? Whether or not you’re serious about telling people your goal to weigh more than Olsen Twins combined, but not quite enough to require a crane to lift you from both your doldrums and your bedroom, the fact is, there’s only one way to turn yourself from a Fiddle Faddle eating fatty into someone who annoyingly describes themselves as feeling “fit as a fiddle…Actually, there are probably three ways, but only one of them is trendly and that’s joining a gym.
Ever since 1990, when the cold war was coming to an end and most of the world was emerging from it’s cocaine addled hangover, the majority of people all over the globe have been obsessed with fitness. Men and women alike join gyms, spas and fitness clubs en masse for the express purpose of trying to convince the opposite sex that they are indeed in good enough shape to have sex as they creepily leer at on another from afar whilst using a Stairmaster.
Gyms aren’t just great places to tempt a restraining order. They’re a top notch option for anyone who harbors a serious desire to run on a treadmill next to someone who smells as though they’ve been swimming in a sewer for the last three days or maybe feels the need to catch a glimpse of someone else’s “manhood” on flagrant display in the locker room. Also, gyms are an ideal setting to pump yourself up with testosterone by listening to Metallica’s black album and then channeling that violent rage into one set of ten curls.
Aside from actually attaining fitness, the act of joining a gym allows those who don’t necessarily consider themselves fit freaks to acquire the illusion of dedication to their own health for a nominal monthly fee. In turn, members can effectively keep up their fitness ruse by showing up one or two times a week and wandering around the perimeter looking for a machine they might want to use for five minutes to achieve some level of muscle tone. Either way…they can still say they paid to join a fitness club…and as you should well know, becoming a member of an exclusive members only club is almost always trendly.
The Trendliest is your friendly guide to latest trends. If you need to know what’s hop, hot, or now…well then you’ve got to read it. Not only is The Trendliest friendly and trendy, but it’s also satirical. So, if you find yourself easily offended by the content, there is a good chance that you are either silly, hyper-sensitive or Canadian. Lighten up Canucks.
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