The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Quit The Rat Race

Times are tough. It seems like you can’t fashion a welfare check into a crude paper airplane and throw it without it poking an unemployed person in the eye. With the jobless rate nearing an all-time high and an economy that’s in the dumps, we here at the Trendliest think the best course of action regarding the running of “the rat race” is to simply quit it. That’s right, rather than scanning the want ads for a job in the service industry or as a backup quarterback-that you have no desire to fulfill- the friendly and trendy thing to do is announce your retirement!

Moses Gives An Impassioned Retirement Speech to A Throng of Shocked Followers

Retirement has been an alien concept for the majority of civilization. In ancient times, most professional careers ended at the onset of a public stoning, enslavement by invading parties or leprosy. The first influential retiree was none other than Moses, who upon leading the Jews out of Egypt; parting the Red Sea for them; and giving them The Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai, decided that he’d already done his relatively thankless job to the best of his abilities, and that there was nothing left to accomplish as God’s instrument. He happily handed his hebrew leading reins over to Aaron who took them the most of the rest of the way to the promised land.

Brett Favre Gives an Impassioned Retirement Speech To Frenzied Fan Base

The story of Moses’ retirement still carries some weight today as it was the inspiration for Brett Favre’s decision in March of ’08 to retire as the star quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, whom some have dubbed “the Hebrews of the NFL.” Favre had led the Packers out of the unholy land of mediocrity (although they occasionally returned to visit) having done his job to the best of his abilities while surpassing all of Moses’ passing records. His retirement effectively handed the reins of the team to Aaron Rodgers and allowed Favre the opportunity to fade quietly into the past whilst perched happily atop the NFL’s version of Mt. Sinai (a sure induction into the Hall of Fame).

Aaron 2008!

As trendly as quitting the rat race can be, if you find your AARP membership benefits to be unrewarding, you always have the option of asking for your old job back provided you had a job in the first place. While there’s no guarantee that your employers haven’t moved on to the new hotshot CEO or Janitor, the odds are if you act disgruntled enough they’ll “trade” you to another job where you’ll be unjustifiably hailed as that company’s new savior despite the fact that you were totally overrated at your old company and you’re getting up there in years. Hey, sometimes it’s just nice to be wanted…and there’s nothing trendlier than tricking people into thinking you’re worth the trouble.

August 7, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Sports | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What Are We Talking About?

Hello my gifted trend-versationalists. is talking with your friends on a day to day basis as confusing as an “H.R. Pufnstuf”- themed key party hosted by Donna Shalala where David Bowie and Grace Jones are the guests of honor? Do you have any idea what that means? If you said no, well then it’s time to get hip to the hot new trend of making bizarre cultural references in everyday conversation.

“That punt was higher than Marion Barry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.”

Ever since Dennis Miller‘s Lazenby-esque run as color man alongside Al Michaels and Dan Fouts on Monday Night Football had ABC execs pulling a Ronnie Reagan at the Tower Commission hearing on the Iran Contra affair when asked why they cast the former SNL Weekend update anchor in the first place, making bizarre cultural references in conversation has been as unavoidable as a drug reference in a Sid and Marty Krofft show. Just take a look around other Trendliest articles. You couldn’t crash land the Hindenburg without running into a post rife with several references that might make you wonder where your mandibula was.

Reagan: “I have no recollection of hiring Dennis Miller”

If you’re still as confused as George Takei at a transexual Star Trek convention it’s probably best to brush up on your general pop culture and historical knowledge by spending countless hours clicking on as many links as possible on Wikipedia and so that you no longer resemble Helen Keller at a screening of Deep Throat when your friends talk about feeling like LC on the latest episode of The Hills. Instead you’ll be as laid back as Alfred E. Neuman smoking a J in bed with Loretta Swit saying, “What Me Worry?” How’s that for being trendly…if you catch our drift.

May 29, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment