The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Pet My Snake

Greetings trend petters and prospective owners of slithery things.  Do you have the desire to woo the fairer sex with a not-so-domesticated animal, but are afraid that the ladies will think that fearsome, untrained Pit Bull you rescued from a fighting ring is entirely too adorable? Are you suffering from a harsh case of diminutive genitalia that purchasing a used Nissan Z won’t cure? Do you think most  creatures in the wilderness are highly adaptable to both urban and suburban jungles ?  Well, if you’re looking for a figurative cure all for your pet and pecker woes, look no further than latest friendly, trendy and ultimately scaly version of man’s best friend, the pet snake.

Jake The Snake Loves To Play

Yes, owning a pet snake certainly goes a long way towards making the socially and sexually inept seem a whole lot more interesting. Your three-inch one-eyed trouser snake may make you less of a man, but taking your eight-foot long python out in public on a Friday night to purposely attract attention to yourself will surely make the ladies swoon without resulting in an arrest for indecent exposure.  Dogs may be able to fetch and cats are aces at laziness and manipulation, but neither of them can aid you in auto-erotic asphyxiation quite like Constricty the Boa Constrictor can.

"C'mon Ladies, You Know You Wanna Touch It"

Snakes aren’t just for insecure males compensating for loose-fitting underwear. Well-proportioned ladies can also use a serpent’s company to appear like that slutty forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden during a rock video appearance or VMA performance. Nothing says, “look but don’t touch” or “I’m a man eating-whore that will swallow you whole,” like an actual animal that will in all probability swallow you whole if you forget to feed it.

"My Snake's Getting Fat...But Where's My Mother-In-Law?"

Pet snakes also prove practical in the disposal of pesky house pests like mice, rats, or dead bodies.  Paying an exterminator or using those inhumane glue traps is a thing of the past, just leave your slithery suite mate out and about for a few days and your infestation issue is a thing of the past, as is your visiting mother-in-law.  Sure your cat could’ve taken care of those rats and mice, but your pet snake ate your cat too…and really what’s more friendly and trendy than being higher up on the food chain.

March 8, 2010 Posted by | Home, Pets, Sexuality | , | Leave a comment