The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

On Your Mark, Get Set, Snow!

Greetings Trendly competitors. With the fall upon us there’s undoubtedly the hint of a chill in the air, and with no Winter Olympics to wrest the attention away from the impending Presidential election this season it’s been quite difficult to get our competitive juices flowing.  While the race for the White House is enthralling, it doesn’t get our blood a boiling like curling or that winter biathlon with shooting and cross country skiing.  Despite the lack of skin tight clad East Germans luge-ing for gold, there is a new polar pastime that is teetering on the edge of trendliness.   That new friendly, trendy, and ultimately shivery sport is none other than snow machine racing.

Snow Machine Champion Todd Palin Gets All The Hot Chicks

Snow Machine Champion Todd Palin Gets All The Hot Chicks

Thanks to Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s Vice Presidential Candidacy Snow Machine Racing has taken center stage in the wide world of wintry athletics.  Her husband Todd, a.k.a The First Dude of Alaska, has earned celebrated world champion status in a variety of cold weather contests. Not only has he won the annual Tesoro Iron Dog Snowmobile Race an impressive four times since 1993, but he’s also won the coveted Snow Machine Triathlon 7 times.  The event in which competitors travel 600 miles on their snowmobiles, use a snowblower to clear off a fifty foot-long driveway that’s been blocked in by the local snow plow and then make sno-cones for an entire class of sixth graders is set to be added as a demonstration sport for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.

The Grueling 2nd Leg of The Snow Machine Triathlon

The Grueling 2nd Leg of The Snow Machine Triathlon

While the Alaskan first dude is the early favorite for the gold, two years should be plenty of time for you to practice your Snow Machine skills so that you might have a chance to beat him.  If you want to get in some quality training time, you should most definitely enter the White House 500 Charity Race to benefit the flagging economy, slated for sometime in February should the McCain-Palin ticket win.  Not only will you be able to circle the White House five-hundred times in your snowmobile, but afterwards you get to share a six-pack with the VP, while raising money for a good cause.  Now that’s what we call trendly.

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October 23, 2008 Posted by | Economy, Politics, Sports | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Learn By Osmosis!

Are you thinking of enrolling in university so that you can finally get that degree in Earth Science or TV repair you’ve always wanted?  Well put down that paper and pencil because at the Richard Dean Anderson Trendliest School of Higher Educational Learning, we’ll prepare you for a career in whatever it is you’ve always dreamed of doing without the bureaucratic hassle or benefit of one of those expensive certified academic institutions.  Sure you could waste years and thousands of dollars going to “school”, but we know you’d rather the quick and easy approach (that’s what she said).   If you’ve got the need, the need for speed learning, the only friendly and trendy method is Osmosis.

The Smartest Cat Alive

Garfield: The Smartest Cat Alive

While in actuality Osmosis is defined as “the diffusion of fluids through membranes or porous partitions” it has been adapted to refer to not just water, but to all fields of knowledge apparent in one’s surroundings being effortlessly absorbed through the pores of the human brain solely based on proximity.  The very first being to put this method of immediate education to good use was the philosopher cat Garfield, who not only learned all of the school subjects in one fell swoop, but learned a secret recipe for lasagna by simply placing his paw on John Arbuckle’s dinner one evening.

The Album That Launched Three Million Guitar Lessons

The Album That Launched Three Million Guitar Lessons

Osmosis has also been used as a handy marketing tool by people who no doubt had once brushed their hand on a marketing textbook.  In 1995, an Epic Records product manager insisted Ozzy Osbourne title his latest album Ozzmosis.  The effect was astonishing as over three million metalheads flocked to stores to buy the album in the hopes that by owning it they would learn how to play guitar as well as if not better than frequent Ozzy collaborator Zakk Wylde.  A similar strategy was employed for the 2001 film Osmosis Jones which ultimately failed because everyone who fell for it the first time was too busy taking guitar lessons the day the movie was in theaters.

VP Candidate Sarah Palin Waves To Her Neighbor Vladimir Putin

VP Candidate Sarah Palin Waves To Her Neighbor Vladimir Putin

Now after laying dormant for seven years or so, the Republican Party has once again jumped on the  bandwagon for the method of learning that Garfield so brazenly introduced.  Prior to announcing the Vice Presidential nomination of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, the Grand ‘Ol Party made the potential first right-hand lady spend just under two years in a house where she could see Russia out the window so that she might gather all of the foreign policy know how she would ever need.  As an added bonus, she listened to John Denver albums on a loop and learned how to be folksy.  Well, all that osmosis has certainly paid off and Sarah Palin is poised for a historic visit to the White House.   Maybe if she ever goes into the Lincoln bedroom and touches his portrait she’ll learn a little something about good presidentin’ too.  Wouldn’t that be something?

September 18, 2008 Posted by | Education, Methods, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment