The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

I Want Your Sext

Greetings sexy techies! Do you prefer pushing the touchpad on your swanky new iPhone to that special someone’s love button?  Do your erogenous zones differ depending on what area code you’re in? Is your cell always on vibrate? If you answered “yes,” that means you’re already hip to the hottest trend in getting it on…and that’s getting it on with every sweet young thing in your mobile network via Sexting.

First Person To Figure Out What This Means Has Our Eternal Gratitude

There’s no more romantic way of telling the object of your affection that “u want 2 b with them 2nyt” than by sneaking a photo of your genitalia in the middle of  math class on the same device your mom uses to tell you to come home for chicken and Stove Top. Why keep that air of sensual mystery and intrigue when you can just as easily give up the goods? After all,  if her kiss is on your list, there’s no reason your shaft shouldn’t be on her cellular. Worst case scenario, your entire junior high will be well aware of your physical inadequacy in the nether region. Best case scenario, the clinically-insane-but-hot, young teacher will see the pic and ask you to stay after class to father her children.

Best Case Scenario In Action

The sexy text message is not necessarily a new invention, though it used to be virtually impossible to show your significant other visual evidence of just how close to cutting glass hardness your nipples were?

That being said, the practice of almost immediately titillating your long distance darling with a few simple seductive sentences is as old as that communicative dinosaur known as Morse code.  While it’s well-known that Samuel Morse‘s first telegraphic message was “What hath god wrought!” His follow up message was a simple “A/S/L?” followed by “what are you wearing?”

Get On The Scene: The First Sext Machine

Years later it wasn’t uncommon for wives of Civil War soldiers to receive telegrams via Western Union like the one below:

***************************************************

Dear Cecilia

*Stop*

Thinking of your rear while on the front.

*Stop*

Taking my pants off.

*Stop*

Say hello to the children.  Long live the Union!

Sincerely,

Lt. Sinclair Percy Levingston

*****************************************************

Needless to say, Western Union workers were frequently seen blushing.

While Al Gore’s Internet helped bring technology sex into the 20th century by first allowing sexual predators to converse with minors and send them photos of their genitalia at the same time, desktop computers with dialup modems were highly immobile and relied too much on the inconvenient and often snail-like process of uploading photos for the sharing of nOOdz.

Middle Man Effectively Cut Out

The advent of both the camera phone and smart phone has cut out the middleman, ultimately making the practice of showing off your sprouting mammary glands as easy as saying cheese. You’d certainly be hard-pressed to find something more friendly and trendy than adding push-button convenience and mobility to your illicit encounters.  Until we do, Sexting will remain at the top of the technical, sexual heap.

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February 26, 2010 Posted by | Sexuality, Technology | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment