The Trendliest

A Friendly Guide To The Latest Trends

Quit The Rat Race

Times are tough. It seems like you can’t fashion a welfare check into a crude paper airplane and throw it without it poking an unemployed person in the eye. With the jobless rate nearing an all-time high and an economy that’s in the dumps, we here at the Trendliest think the best course of action regarding the running of “the rat race” is to simply quit it. That’s right, rather than scanning the want ads for a job in the service industry or as a backup quarterback-that you have no desire to fulfill- the friendly and trendy thing to do is announce your retirement!

Moses Gives An Impassioned Retirement Speech to A Throng of Shocked Followers

Retirement has been an alien concept for the majority of civilization. In ancient times, most professional careers ended at the onset of a public stoning, enslavement by invading parties or leprosy. The first influential retiree was none other than Moses, who upon leading the Jews out of Egypt; parting the Red Sea for them; and giving them The Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai, decided that he’d already done his relatively thankless job to the best of his abilities, and that there was nothing left to accomplish as God’s instrument. He happily handed his hebrew leading reins over to Aaron who took them the most of the rest of the way to the promised land.

Brett Favre Gives an Impassioned Retirement Speech To Frenzied Fan Base

The story of Moses’ retirement still carries some weight today as it was the inspiration for Brett Favre’s decision in March of ’08 to retire as the star quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, whom some have dubbed “the Hebrews of the NFL.” Favre had led the Packers out of the unholy land of mediocrity (although they occasionally returned to visit) having done his job to the best of his abilities while surpassing all of Moses’ passing records. His retirement effectively handed the reins of the team to Aaron Rodgers and allowed Favre the opportunity to fade quietly into the past whilst perched happily atop the NFL’s version of Mt. Sinai (a sure induction into the Hall of Fame).

Aaron 2008!

As trendly as quitting the rat race can be, if you find your AARP membership benefits to be unrewarding, you always have the option of asking for your old job back provided you had a job in the first place. While there’s no guarantee that your employers haven’t moved on to the new hotshot CEO or Janitor, the odds are if you act disgruntled enough they’ll “trade” you to another job where you’ll be unjustifiably hailed as that company’s new savior despite the fact that you were totally overrated at your old company and you’re getting up there in years. Hey, sometimes it’s just nice to be wanted…and there’s nothing trendlier than tricking people into thinking you’re worth the trouble.

August 7, 2008 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Sports | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Make A List…Check It Twice

Hey trend-thusiasts, do you know what’s important to you? More importantly, do you know in what order those things are important to you? If you said no, or you’re still not sure perhaps you should attempt to use the trendliest way of ranking things – making a list.

Behold, The Original Copy of Ten Things You Shouldn’t Do!

Ever since Moses led the Jews out of Egypt on the heels of making a list of “The Ten Things that Would Totally Suck if they Befell the Egyptians for not Letting My People Go” (more recently known as “The Ten Plagues” thanks to that movie with Charlton Heston) making lists has been totally trendly. While Moses was the original list-maker he was soon trumped by the man upstairs who made a list of “Ten Things People Shouldn’t Do” (more recently known as “The Ten Commandments” thanks to that movie with Charlton Heston). This list was so rife with important items such as #1: Thou Shalt Not Kill and #11: Don’t Eat Shellfish that they became

so much engrained into the collective conscious of mankind that today they are referred to as “common sense” thanks to the handy pamphlet by Thomas”Charlton” Paine.

Bea Arthur #2 On The Hottest 100 of 1976…Can you guess who was #1?
(Hint: It rhymes with Harrah Hawcett)

Lists have gone through a complete evolution since the days of yore and while most people ignore that formerly trendly “common sense” list, the advent of post-its and magazines has given new life to the process of making lists. Lists not only help by numerically telling people what to do and how to do said things, but they also serve to help by telling people the order of betterness or importance where most things in the world stand. Without lists we’d never be able to know who the “Hottest 100 Women” in the world are in any given year or who the “Best College Football Team” is on a week-by-week basis. Why without lists most people would resemble a lost puppy shopping for groceries in the woods.

Ol’ St. Nick: The Most Scrupulous Listmaker of Them All

Perhaps the most successful utilizer of the eternal list craze is Santa Claus, who makes two lists each year, one consisting of those who are naughty and one consisting of those who are less naughty. Not only does he bother to make this list, but he checks it twice just to be sure it’s
accurate, which is more than can be said for those who compile Spin Magazine’s annual “Top 40 Albums of the Year” list.

June 16, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment