Hey Trendlophiliacs! We know you’re probably oozing trendliness from your arteries and veins with little hope of it ever clotting, but that’s probably a good thing. Everyone on your block probably knows how trendly you are by now so when you talk, they’ll listen. That’s sure to come in handy with our next trendly career, being a film critic.
Sergei Eisenstein: An Early Target for Film Criticism and Monkey Feces
The earliest form of film criticism came courtesy of Pogo The Monkey when he attended a screening of Eisenstein’s Battleship Potemkin back in 1925. After watching the film journalists asked Pogo what he thought of the film and Pogo raised three out of his ten fingers and then proceeded to fling his feces in the director’s general direction. Everyone took this to mean Pogo was none too impressed by Eisenstein’s pioneering use of montage. The monkey confirmed his feelings about the film by stating “my cousin Zippy could do a better job directing a snuff flick.” Pogo’s caustic sensationalism was quickly rewarded by the Chicago Daily Courier, who rewarded the chimp with his very own film and entertainment column. His ten finger rating system quickly became the norm for all film criticism and often his quotes were taken out of context and used on film posters. The most famous of these incidents was on the poster for The Wizard of Oz which read, “The Wizard of Oz Is A Landmark Piece…” when the actual line from the monkey’s review said “The Wizard of Oz Is A Landmark Piece of Crap.” As a critic Pogo became so famous that a comic book called “The Critic” was written about him. That comic book was later turned into an animated TV show starring Jon Lovitz, which was widely panned and had an abbreviated run on FOX.
Jay Sherman: The Human Cartoon Manifestation of Pogo The Monkey
By the 1960’s filmgoers grew tired of the monkey’s constant negativity. Two burgeoning film critics took this as their cue, effectively harnessing man’s evolutionary progress by utilizing opposable thumbs to their advantage. Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel recognized the confusion caused by rating a film on a scale from one to ten, so they simplified it by giving movies either a “thumbs up” or “thumbs down”. Movie fans favored the ease of this kind of ratings system over Pogo’s increasingly scathing reviews. While Pogo may have died alone and penniless in the zoo never having had the fortune of seeing James Cameron’s Titanic, the practice of film criticism lives on today, thanks to his efforts.
Two Thumbs Up For Evolution!
Plenty of people who like the idea of spending all of their time in dark rooms staring at a large screens, making lists, criticizing celebrities and seeing their name in print for overstating how good the film Juno was, have taken up the cause of film criticism. People like Richard Corliss of Time Magazine and Ron Brewington of Urban Radio Network have made it their life’s work to have their names in print, lauding Tom Cruise films or imposing their opinions on a public eager to have someone tell them what’s good. Yes, If you like the idea of millions of people’s viewing habits resting whether or not you have an opinion and opposable thumbs then being a film critic (or maybe a fascist dictator) is for you.
Hey fellow Trend Addicts, do you remember when we used to sing in the government yard in trend town? Neither do we, but when we finally came to we were listening to a Hot Tuna album and had orange Cool Ranch Doritos stains all over our fingers, not to mention the fact that our glaucoma was miraculously cured. We’d venture to say that it was all a result of our usage of the latest trendly health helper, medicinal marijuana.
Medicinal marijuana has been a smokin’ hot subject ever since it came up in that episode of HBO’s Entourage where Turtle tried to get laid and find a cure for cancer while something happened with Vince in a movie. However it wasn’t always such a friendly and trendy topic. According to a conspiracy theory article that may have appeared in High Times Magazine in the past several years next to a centerfold of a fern, it was the U.S. government’s discovery of the Mafia’s covert supplying of Medicinal Marijuana to Cuba that was the sole reason behind both the Cuban Missile crisis and the eventual Kennedy Assassination. They didn’t call it the “Grassy Knoll’ for nothin’. Medicinal Marijuana was also indirectly responsible for the Ricky Martin leaving Menudo…but that’s a way longer story.
In the nowadays medicinal marijuana has become quite the subject for debate. Doctors argue that it helps ease the pain of patients suffering from nerve damage and lack of desire for late night snackage, while those who oppose it think of it as a gateway to other legal medicinal cure- alls like medicinal cocaine, medicinal heroin, and medicinal Flomax. However,there’s one point that advocates and opponents alike have chosen to agree on, and that’s that medicinal marijuana makes watching the 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz while listening to Pink Floyd’s Division Bell album (start it on the 2nd MGM Lion Roar) totally “trippy”…which is most certainly trendly, but not as trendly as tasting colors…Man.